7 Times Trevor in Army Wives Fails To Support His Wife's Dream
I have been watching Army Wives and find myself increasingly angry at Trevor. He seems to take every opportunity to become an example of the worst way to be a soldier supporting a spouse's dreams. Here's a little backstory for those who haven't watched the Lifetime television show that aired from 2007 to 2013. It tells the story of five military spouses living on an Army base in Charleston, SC. We follow each couple through a series of trials, and the spouses lean on one another when being married to a soldier hurts.
It's not nearly as trashy as I expected (since that's usually my go-to tv show). And it's fairly accurate in a lot of cases, which I appreciate. It has been especially authentic regarding the dreams of these spouses. Each character has sacrificed great career success to follow their service members as they climb the ranks. And when they choose to pursue something beyond the military, we see it over and over again to be taken as a slight, only causing chaos in their relationships. Frankly, every couple (barring Claudia-Joy and Michael, who have handled this remarkably well even when they disagreed) has gone through a period where the army spouse decides to pursue something beyond just being an "Army wife" and is met with resistance by their spouse for shaking up the "norms" of their household.
I want to talk about Roxy and Trevor today, though. I am only in season five of the show, so maybe things get better, and he will turn it all around. But this is where I am at right now. Here are 7 times that Trevor has actively worked against his wife pursuing her dream for the sake of his.
1. Roxy gets a job
Quite early in season 1, Roxy and Trevor realize that money is tight. Roxy is used to bartending and loves it. The salary at Trevor's rank just isn't enough to provide for Roxy and her two sons. When Roxy decides to look for work, Trevor is adamantly against it because he thinks it'll make him and the Army look bad. Roxy doesn't listen and finds the perfect job at a bar down the street from the base. She befriends the owner and thrives at the "Hump Bar."
2. Roxy Discovers her dream
Sometime during season 1, Roxy begins to wrestle with wanting something bigger. She loves her husband and her sons, but she wants something more. And she decides to start taking a percentage of her tip money and save up for a bar of her own. When she shares her dream with Trevor, he dismisses her. He tells her that a bar is a bad idea because they will always be moving around a lot and that he doesn't think she could handle something like that while raising the boys.
3. Roxy owns the Hump Bar
Halfway through season one, the owner of the Hump Bar is diagnosed with breast cancer. With her health declining and after the bar is blown up at the end of season 1, the owner gives Roxy the bar. Roxy builds it up in honor of the former owner. Despite the insurance payout, rebuilding the bar is expensive. But Roxy has her dream so much faster than she ever expected. And she gets to build the bar exactly how she wants, even if it means cutting costs and navigating tighter finances. Trevor is adamantly against it and stands in her way every step of the process, making the rebuild increasingly stressful for Roxy.
4. Roxy converts Betty's back to the Hump Bar 2.0
After being hit with a huge bill from the IRS (because the previous owner misfiled the forms). Roxy struggles to pay the IRS and keep the bar. Trevor says they should cut bait and let the bar go. Roxy gets creative. She negotiates the bill to a more manageable amount. Then she sells almost everything inside Betty's to restore the Hump Bar to its former "rundown" glory.
5. A con man tries to steal the bar
After the death of the former owner, her nephew approaches Roxy about being partners in the bar, saying that Betty never actually legally transferred ownership to Roxy. Roxy turns down partnering with a stranger, so he offers to buy her out. Trevor encourages her to take the buyout and cut ties with the bar that she rebuilt. Roxy looks into hiring an attorney to see the validity of her ownership of the bar, and Trevor discourages it as a waste of money. Eventually, it is discovered that the "nephew" is simply a con man who happened to be working at the hospice center Betty died in.
6. Trevor gets injured
During his first deployment, Trevor gets shot in the shoulder and is sent home for extended rehab. At one point, it looks like his shoulder just isn't going to heal correctly, and he fears that the Army will discharge him. As they discuss what to do if that happens, Trevor mentions moving halfway across the country to start over. Roxy says that she would rather stay in Charleston because of her community and the success of her bar, meaning they would have an income while Trevor decides what to do next. Trevor says that he can't handle staying near an army base while not being part of the Army. It is only after he talks to someone on the base that says he could still work with the Army as a civilian that he gets on board with staying.
7. Roxy is approached about a truck stop investment
While Trevor is away on his second deployment (his shoulder healed just fine), Roxy is approached by one of her favorite customers about an investment opportunity. This customer is a long-time truck driver, ready to retire. The empty lot just down the street from the bar is for sale, and he wants to partner with Roxy to build a truck stop. This investment would bring many more customers into her bar, set up another stable income stream for her children, and further establish Roxy as a business owner. She is very excited, and when she calls to tell Trevor, he again dismisses her. He tells her it's a waste of money and that she has no idea what she is doing. He says we will discuss this when I get home (not that they even have a guess on when that will be). Roxy goes forward with the investment and starts a huge fight that I haven't watched past in the series.
In every step of the series so far, Trevor has fought against Roxy's dream. He has constantly reminded her that they could move at any moment, that he could deploy (and he did not think she could balance the bar and her children), and worked to add more responsibility to her plate. Between adopting a dog after she said she would not be able to handle the additional responsibility and pressuring her to have children before she was ready, he has been the least supportive spouse.
In turn, Roxy has supported Trevor's dream of being in the Army. She struggled with the life of a military spouse, as we all have, but supports him nonetheless. I'm not saying that Roxy's dream perfectly suits Army life. Yes, they will likely have to move away at some point, and she would have to either let the bar go and reopen somewhere else or relinquish control and try to make it a chain. Both are absolutely options, and both would be hard roads to walk. But it is her dream. And she is making it work despite everything her husband, not the Army, has thrown at her. It is hard enough to chase our dreams in military life. We need our spouse's support to stay in the game.
They are the ones who help us work out a plan when the military needs one thing, and our dream needs another. They are the ones who talk us off our ledges when we panic. They are the ones who hold us on the hard days. They are the ones who celebrate with us on the good days. And they do all these things whether they are in bed next to us or half a world away. Roxy finds this support in her army spouse friends, and Trevor gets on board, albeit reluctantly, along the way. But if we don't have this support, we must demand it. Our dreams matter just as much as our spouse's dream of service. We should not, and will not, wait twenty years to begin working on our dreams.
I am a little over halfway through the show, so maybe Trevor will turn it around. But, thus far, I have been incredibly disappointed with his callousness towards her dream. His dream of being in the Army has been his only priority, and while he loves Roxy and her sons as his own, he has not supported her dreams in the slightest. Roxy is more than a wife and a mom. She deserves to have those other aspects of herself loved and cherished. She deserves to see her dreams come true. Just like you and I do too.