9 Ways To Support Military Families Through A PCS
We’ve officially been in Georgia for a week. Today, I drove to Target and back without GPS, so it is starting to feel like home. The boxes are slowly getting broken down, and pretty soon, it will look like a place we’ve always lived. It’s been hard, though. Living amongst boxes and trying to decide where everything goes is stressful, and so is facing the reality that our friendships have changed significantly. We are very fortunate that multiple friends followed us, but our group looks very different from what it did before.
Despite the hardship, plenty of things have made this PCS easier. I know many people out there want to support military families coming into their communities, as well as fellow military families who want to make life easier for those heading out. Today, I just wanted to share a few ideas of things that really helped us during this move. This is by no means an extensive list, and the things that supported me may very well be a nightmare for someone else. As always, please check with the person to make sure you are actually adding value. The last thing we need is for you to waste time on something that just gives the family one more thing to deal with.
1. Show Up
Sometimes, having someone else there helps ease the burden immensely. My mom and brother drove a total of 13 hours to help us out for a day and a half. I am so grateful they did. It made me feel supported and loved through the process. It gave another set of eyes on our one- year-old while the movers brought everything in, and we began unpacking (Michael loved playing with his Uncle Andrew). Having my mom around always helps me catch my breath when everything starts to overwhelm me. As my husband put it when I made sure they could come out, “Why would I turn away someone who wants to help and will make you feel better through this whole process?”
2. Unpack boxes
Some families opt for a complete unpack by the military movers. This usually involves them dumping (sometimes that’s as gentle of a word to describe it) every box onto counters and then floors when they run out of room. The benefit is that everything is out of boxes, and they usually take all the boxes. This sounds like a total nightmare for me. What helps me is having people around to unpack boxes in a focused way. We knew the kitchen and the laundry were the biggest cleaning tasks, so we started there. Having all that stuff pulled out and piled up meant that we could be more effective with the top-priority things. We’re only now getting to the boxes with books and games, and it would have stressed me out more to have those lying around in a pile versus staying in their boxes.
3. Help clean
Unboxing things is usually just the beginning, and putting them away is the end. But there’s that painful middle step where everything has to be cleaned. The clothes and sheets have to be washed before they can make it into drawers. The dishes have to be cleaned before they can make it into cabinets. Every piece of furniture needs to be wiped down before anything can be placed on top of it. This was one of the most significant spots that my mom and brother helped. They stayed up late (long after they sent us to bed) to ensure dishes were washed and the items in the kitchen found their home. Sure, I went back and rearranged some things later, but it was so much simpler to do with everything already clean and less stressful when things had already been put away (plus, I know my mom is not going to be offended if I switch things around).
4. Plan out the house
Moving will always change where the furniture goes. Sometimes, we move into a smaller house and need to downsize. Sometimes, we move into a bigger house and discover room for new pieces. But no matter how much the square footage changes, there is always something different that changes where everything goes. The new house has a kitchen, dining room, and living room layout completely different from our last house, which led to a lot of ideas about where things should go and the realization that my end tables don’t work anymore. We have an extra half bath in this house that needs designing, and we have two extra rooms that need to be laid out in the best way possible (we already had too much furniture at the last house, so those rooms didn’t need any help).
5. Go shopping
This isn’t a necessity for everyone, and certainly, some people would prefer to do it on their own, but my mom and I love going to various stores to see if we can find the right piece of furniture at the right price. We dragged my brother along, and he watched Michael while my mom and I discussed the color, shape, size, and cost of every decent-looking furniture piece we came across. It’s nice to get my mom’s opinion on things like shower curtains and soap dispensers because we think along the same lines, and my husband would much rather voice his opinion when the choices are narrowed down rather than looking at a sea of similar items.
6. Move furniture
The movers are required to place the furniture where we want it, but sometimes we aren’t 100% sure where that is. Other times, we miss letting them know where something should go, or they miss putting it there. And sometimes, we just want to play around with this over here instead. My mom and I strategized where furniture would look best and relied on my brother to help rearrange it (my husband was back at work by Friday).
7. Grocery shop
That first grocery shop in a new place is always painful. We have to buy things that are usually never on the list and do it all at once on top of our usual shop. This list, for me, costs2.5x as much as it usually does. Not to mention that a new area means new grocery stores that take a lot longer to get through and new prices because things that were cheap at the last assignment can cost double here. The military may cover the cost of getting our stuff from one place to another, but they don’t cover these expenses. For many families, it can be a big swing, and many times, it’s easy for a group of outsiders to help out with essentials like spices, oils, and toilet paper.
8. Gas cards, restaurant gift cards, and hotel vouchers
This stuff is often covered, to an extent, by the military. They are reimbursing us for the mileage we drove, and we all receive some amount of per diem for the travel days. I think in our case, my husband receives 100%, I receive 75%, and our son receives 50%. That probably adds up to cover more than we spent on the trip. But it doesn’t factor in eating out almost every day for about two weeks while living in limbo before we could move. Many families also pay these costs out of pocket and then get reimbursed, but that funding can come many weeks later. Most servicemembers have some sort of government credit card that they could use for these expenses. Still, I know many people who avoid using it so they don’t accidentally put a bad charge on it (my husband avoids using the card as much as possible because it can be a pain if the wrong thing ends up on the statement).
9. Meal train
Some people opt for a home-cooked meal instead of providing a restaurant gift card. I know after weeks of eating out, that’s all we wanted. If you want to go this route, though, make sure the people have a refrigerator, freezer, oven, or anything else they may need to take the meal from the dish to the table. And make sure you know if the family has any allergies to accommodate. Having a lasagna show up at the door would be great, but I’m gluten-free so that still doesn’t cover our whole family for dinner. The gesture can go much further if it factors in what best suits the family’s needs.
10. Childcare and/or pet care
Thankfully, I had my family out to help watch our son. Since they left, it has been hard to accomplish anything outside of nap time and bedtime because one of us must keep him from undoing all the work the other does. This is especially hard when the packers and movers are there. We had to keep our son out of the way while trying to get things done and keep him out of trouble. It was a hard job, even when four people were doing it. Sending the kids off for a play date may be a better option for some. The same thing matters for pets. When the moving crew is there, doors stay perpetually open. Some pets can be shut off in a room without issue, and others can hang out outside for a few hours, but when it’s too hot or cold, or the doors can’t get scratched up anymore, it may be best to offer to take the animal for a bit.
It’s a myth that the military covers moving. They certainly take care of a lot, but military families are often left holding the bag on expenses and responsibilities they didn’t have room for. Every new house requires utilities to be set up, which takes an extra deposit. Our homeowner’s insurance went down with the new state, but our car insurance went up and came with a hefty startup bill. We can’t erase the stress of moving, but we can come alongside one another and try to support each other through this at whatever level is best for us.