An Encounter With Fear
There is usually one thing that stops all of us from moving forward with our dreams. We will all come up against different obstacles, and a lot of them probably won't be universal problems (I do want to help you overcome the unique obstacles you face in your life, which is why I am designing a one-on-one coaching course that will launch soon, so keep your eyes peeled for that). But this obstacle can grab all of us and put us in a chokehold no matter where we are in our journey. It doesn't matter whether we are just entering, in the midst of, or exiting a stage; fear can grab us tight. Fear can stop us from even attempting to make a plan. Fear can stop us from moving forward when a plan begins to take shape. Fear certainly grips us when we go to take action on that plan. We will encounter fear every step of the way and around every corner we turn.
I want to share something that I wrote on October 31, 2022. To give some context, this was about two months before I started researching website design teams. It was three months before I committed to making that investment in my dream. It was five months before I gave the go-ahead to publish my first post. This was at a time when I had done very little toward my writing dream (for quite a while) and was preparing to enter my dream of motherhood. Writing has always been an outlet for me, and one of my favorite things is looking back on the pieces I wrote in the hard and scary times, knowing that I overcame everything I was worried about. I want us to talk about fear and overcoming it over the next couple of days, but to start, I wanted you to catch a glimpse of where I was just a few months ago.
Up until this point, my writing has happened in a void. It has existed only to me and a few others. A couple of people have read my book, and a few more have read some passages, but it has essentially not existed. My husband hasn't even read my book, and it is not because of an unwillingness to do so.
It's for one reason and one reason only: fear.
I have been terrified to let other people into this thing that has felt so personal. I have been terrified to let people see this thing that I feel utterly unqualified to do despite being certain of my calling to do it. I have been held at the mercy of other people's opinions. I have been terrified to find out what those opinions will be. I have been writing for three years now, off and on. But my book has sat silently and patiently waiting for me to gather the nerve to do what I need to do with it. I know what my next steps are; I know where the arrows are pointing. I know the things that I will need to, and can only, figure out on the way.
They say that nothing happens in a void. The universe abhors a vacuum. And the consequence of that has been me allowing my dream to eat away at me with guilt because I have not been caring for it.
I was entrusted with this dream. I know it was made for me, and I made the commitment to bring that dream to life. But I have been negligent to that dream. When it first arrived, I cared for it every day. I turned it into an actual book, something that could see the light of day. And, yes, it would need tweaks and probably some massive changes, but it was real. It was tangible. But when my dream became tangible, I pushed it away. I allowed the very same things I had written about to become irrelevant in my life and instead hid my dream in the dark.
I think I hoped that one day I would just meet someone who would spot my potential and beg to read my book. They would think it was the greatest thing ever and publish me on the spot. I would see my name in bookstores across the country with very little effort on my part. But that's not how it works. Maybe that's happened to someone, but it is certainly not the tale we usually hear from authors. Writing is a story of putting yourself out there repeatedly and constantly hearing rejection until one day you find the right person.
I needed a mindset shift because neglecting my dream tore me apart, but I was still struggling to overcome the fear that gripped me tightly. I am days away from welcoming my first child into the world. And I hear fear whisper to me every day, "This is enough; you don't need anything more." I feel the desire creep in to allow myself to become a mother and a wife and leave my identity at that. I see my dream shake in the corner at the thought of me letting it go completely.
I go to my dream instead. I wrap it up in my arms and reassure it that the promises I made to it years ago will come true. I don't know how it'll happen, but I do know that I am not going to stop trying. In this family, we keep our promises, and the promises made to our dreams are no less worthy of fulfillment.
I am not asking anything more of my dream. I have been the one charged with growing and nurturing it. Up until this point, I have depended on the dream to grow in me, but now it is my turn. I will demand nothing of my dream; instead, I will show up daily for it, in some way, to remind it that it is beautiful and loved. To remind it that I will fulfill its purpose and one day bring it into the light so that the rest of the world can witness the beauty of this dream come true.
I have recommitted to this dream so many times. And while I have fallen off that commitment in the past, I have always returned to it. I have always returned stronger and more willing to fight for my dream. I welcomed my son into the world just 11 days after this writing. But even in the fog that having a newborn brings, I remembered this commitment. It may have been slow, but I kept that commitment. That's the only reason you are reading this today. Even during my times of doubt, I return to my dream. Fear is a powerful force, and it can absolutely paralyze us.
Hopefully, I can help us all overcome the fear we face and set us up for success to overcome it all again because one day, we will have to. On Monday, we'll talk about every awful thing that fear has whispered to me, and maybe some of it will help you overcome whatever that terrible voice is saying in your head so that we can truly band forces on this journey of fighting for our dreams.