The Way to Find all Desires of Your Heart

As promised, here are some exercises to find your dreams. Don't stop at just one dream. Remember, dreams come in all shapes and sizes, and while our plans will usually focus on one dream at a time, we will often discover that we can accomplish other dreams along the way simply because we already know what they are.

I don't have to wait until my dream of being a published author comes true to accomplish my dream of flying to Ireland with my husband. I don't have to wait until I live in my dream house to fulfill my dream of having children. I don't have to wait until my husband is retired to accomplish my dream of having my son truly know his extended family. That is why it is so important to know many dreams. And when I say many, I mean MANY! Think about dreams across all aspects of life: emotional, physical, family, spiritual, career, relationships, financial, intellectual, material, psychological, creative, adventure, legacy, character, day-to-day schedule, social activities, community involvement, recreational, educational, etc. With those categories in mind, here are some of my favorite exercises to figure out precisely what you want:

1.     Make a list of 100 dreams

Big and small. Tall and short. Far and close. Short-term and long-term. Literally anything. That's what I really want to hammer home. A dream can be anything. It is simply something that you desire that would help you live a fuller, happier life. 100 is a significant number; no matter how much dreaming you may have done in the past, it can be a tough number to hit. That's why not every dream has to be as meaningful as welcoming foster children into your home. That's why dreams can be as simple as having pillows to go on the couch for every holiday. Sure, pillows are expensive, and buying them for every holiday may not be feasible right now, but it's a dream that can be grown into, and it's a dream that probably doesn't feel like the most enlightened, earth-changing thing. But it makes me happy, which is why the collection grows. My husband thinks it's overkill, but dreams don't have to make sense to anyone else, especially when they aren't hurting anyone. So start working on the list, and don't stress over it too much. Dreams are supposed to be happy, and discovering them should be a joyful experience too. When you get stuck on a number, take a break and keep your eyes peeled for new dreams to take root. And you can totally steal dreams. I don't care if every person on your Instagram has said their dream is to stay in one of those overwater bungalows in Bora Bora; steal it if that's something you want. Sometimes the best dreams are the ones we discover through other people.

2.     Think about what you wanted to be growing up and then look at your life now

If you're like me, that list is pretty expansive. I wanted to be a special ed teacher, then a pediatric oncologist, then an FBI profiler, then a life insurance agent, then a social worker, and now a writer. Honestly, most of my career aspirations had to do with whatever tv show I was currently obsessed with (Thank you, House, and Criminal Minds). What's on your list? We aren't looking for any specific job per se, although you may discover that being a lawyer has always been your dream. Instead, we want to look at what each of those jobs means. What does the job do for the world, and what made you feel so called to or even just curious about it? In each of the jobs that I wanted to pursue, I just wanted to help people, specifically children. 

How does that relate to this dream of primarily writing for fully grown adult military spouses? I want to make the world a better place for my kids and your kids, and I genuinely believe that the way I can help (there are many things that will make the world a better place for our children that aren't in my wheelhouse) is to help parents find and achieve their dreams. The ripple effect of achieving dreams is ever-growing in our lives, and our children are watching. We get to show them today that the very desires they are dreaming about could actually be theirs. Not in a "you can do whatever you want way" fueled by participation trophies, but in a "you can truly work to achieve your dreams" way demonstrated by watching their parents fight for their hearts' desires despite any obstacles that come their way.

Then comes the next step of examining your life today. Plenty of clues are hiding in the things that you're good at, the things you care about, and the people you admire. What are the things that you find fulfilling today? What are the parts of your day or week that you truly look forward to? These all point to dreams. Maybe running a craft table in your child's kindergarten class reawakens your love of painting. Maybe going to the gym indicates a desire to run a marathon or teach a fitness class. Maybe driving all over town, racing from one activity to the next, reveals your dream car. Or perhaps a jam-packed schedule shows a dream to vacation or hire someone to clean the house so that you don't stress about that on top of everything else. I believe that our lives are constantly trying to point us to our dreams, and our hearts are always trying to tell us their desires whenever we take the time to listen.

3.     Figure out what you absolutely do not want

Andy Albright, a multi-million business owner and mentor I am very grateful to have in my life, has said many times, "You can build it mad, or you can build it glad." He was referring to building a business, but the same applies to creating a life. In many ways, we can make something faster when we are doing it in spite of the things we don't want to be. It may be a lot easier to come up with a list of things you don't want than to come up with things you do. When you look at a list of don't wants, it can become much simpler to figure out what you do want. And there is no wrong way to chase a dream. Whether you are running towards what you want or away from what you don't, you'll get there all the same. 

When I think about what I don't want, my instincts are to act in fear. When it comes to fight or flight, I am out of there, which means "don't want" is not a good motivator for me, but whatever works for you is the right thing to do. The method of discovering our dreams may be very different from how we actually pursue them, and the only thing that matters at this point is to figure out what we are chasing or running from.

4.     Create a five or ten-year fantasy

What would life look like in the next five or ten years if you and everything about your life were perfect? Obviously, perfection is not achievable, but knowing where we want to end up helps us get as close as possible. I want to reiterate that we are not trying to solve anything while planning here. I know in my perfect five-year plan, we are living in North Carolina, close to family, and while the reality is that as long as my husband flies on an AWACS, we probably won't get any closer than Florida, a girl can still dream, and that's the whole point. If the military were a perfect, dream-giving entity aspiring to help you get everything you wanted, what would you have?

I hope these strategies help you figure out what you want. It's only when we have a dream that we can take steps to achieve it. Dreaming is a daily practice, though. New things will always pop up, and we will always need new dreams ready to go when we accomplish the old ones.

• -Sarah Hartley