Characteristics of a Dreamer Part 3?
I left this as a question mark post because I don't actually know if this should be a characteristic of a dreamer. Seeing the future is essential, but that's not quite what I'm talking about here. It's something stronger than just seeing the future because I live in the future. For better or for worse, that's where I am most of the time. That doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate the present, but I am always thinking ahead.
We can clarify this characteristic as vision. It is essential for dreaming because we must be able to envision the dreams we discover happening in the future. Vision is one step further than a dream. It is a dream with work clothes on, eventually becoming a goal with action steps. I just don't know if living in the future of that vision, like I do, is a step everyone should try to take. Hopefully, I can clearly explain what I mean by this, and you can decide if this is a trait you want to develop.
The fact that I live in the future became abundantly clear to me with my husband's first deployment. The months before he left were suffocating. I felt so alone and engulfed by the fear of him going and, even more so, by the fear of him not returning. I was paralyzed. I was unwilling and unable to leave his side in the months leading up to his departure.
We found out about his deployment about a year before it happened. His platform used to be on a very consistent cycle, so it was easy for squadrons to predict when they would leave. When Jacob told me the dates, all I could think was that the unit would have been home for less than a year before they deployed again. He had arrived at the squadron during the middle of their last deployment. And just like that, I was overwhelmed by the fear that Jacob would deploy at least once a year. I could feel the pain of every goodbye. I could feel the crushing weight of 17 deployments over the next 17 years of his career. I had a crushing countdown clock in my head, at all times, that bore as a constant reminder of how many moments I had left with my husband. I never had to count because this clock did it for me, and no matter what I did, I couldn't turn it off or turn down the sound of it ticking.
It was an impossible, painful time and my husband handled it with incredible grace and care. But all that changed when he left. As soon as he actually deployed, I was really okay. Sure, there were hard days, like when I found a dead mouse in the garage that had been cooking for about a week in the heat while I was out of town. There were anxious moments when his 15-hour flights turned into 18, 19 and 20-hour ones. I definitely experienced all the emotions anyone could go through during a deployment, but not to the extent I was so worried about pre-deployment.
What I realized was that as soon as my husband left, all that I could do was live in the moment when he returned. I was simply counting the days until the future I was living in became my reality. The clock was still there, but now it was counting down to a good moment. I had no choice but to march forward and make it through the days, but it was so much easier than just drudging along because I was already living in the time when he returned.
I don't know if this will make sense to anyone except me. I don't even know if this is something people should strive for. Yes, it makes the hard times easier because I live ahead in the good days. But it also makes the hard times come up on me faster. I don't get around feeling all those emotions. I still have to go through the tunnel to find the light on the other side. I don't know if preparing for the next deployment will be the same. Luckily, we haven't had to face that yet. I don't know if the pre-deployment phase will be easier because I can take heart in how I thrived through the last deployment. It may not be easier, and maybe the only reason I thrived was because I went through all the emotions beforehand. I know it will be different and more complicated in some ways because I will be learning how to solo parent through the next deployment.
That's how it will be with every deployment. We all know that deployments don't get easier. They are just different. We gain better-coping skills and we encounter new challenges. My next deployment will be my first solo parenting, but even after I overcome that one, I will face the deployments of solo parenting multiple children. Even if my number of children doesn't change from one deployment to the next, it will still be my first-time solo parenting with a toddler, a pre-teen or a teenager. It will all be a different battle with new emotions to wrestle with.
I'll give an example on a lighter note too. In my post, 4 Reasons Why Dreams Matter in Your Life, I mentioned that I attended a Taylor Swift concert during her Eras Tour. I didn't know many songs, so there were a few times that I sat down and just watched the crowd. Watching so many people be completely enthralled by Taylor's performance was amazing. I could feel the passion and love that her fans brought to the stadium that night. And during those times, just sitting down and watching, I wondered what it would be like for me to be on that stage.
I have a dream of touring as a speaker helping other people find their dreams, just like I am hopefully doing here. I don't even know if I want to speak in front of 70,000 people because I'm not sure that's the style I will prefer, but there I was preparing my speech. I was talking to this crowd about their dreams. I was living, I don't even know how far, in the future. Moments like that reignite my passion for this dream. They give me the encouragement and clarity I need to keep moving forward.
I can't count how many times I have written speeches while driving in my car, pretending to talk to an audience. These aren't Oscar acceptance speeches because I have no interest in pursuing a path that would lead to one of those awards. These are "realistic" speeches talking to crowds of people I want to talk to about the things I want to talk about.
My husband and I decided to take a trip to Ireland this coming November, and barring a PCS, we should be able to do it. Since making this decision a few weeks ago, I have been constantly researching what to do, where to stay and how to travel for a vacation that is seven months away. This future living, where I fight the instinct to start my packing list now, makes the disappointment more painful if the Air Force says we can't travel. In the midst of planning the baby shower for my son, I came across so many ideas that I started planning his first birthday party. He wasn't even born yet!
I know vision is critical when it comes to our dreams. We need to be able to see, with clarity, what we are fighting for. Having that vision helps to inform our decision-making and keeps us on track when we face difficulties. I don't know if living in the future is the best thing. I know it works for me, and in some ways has helped me become who I am today. You can decide if it feels like a healthy practice to try and incorporate into your life. We'll talk later about ways to keep dreams in front of you, but starting with visualizing when writing your dreams down or keeping pictures in front of you can help grow that future-seeing muscle. Today was more about sharing a glimpse into my mind. I think this helps to know what advice you should take and practice in your life and what advice you should leave on the shelf because I'm the crazy lady living in the future. I would love to know if I am not alone in these thoughts. So definitely share if there are moments when you find yourself living in the future so clearly, you'd think you were already there
