Number 3 blog post this year: Saying Goodbye To My Dream
Next Monday will mark the one year anniversary of launching my blog. As a countdown to the anniversary I am going to share the top three posts across the last year. This post originally ran on May 19. If you missed it the first time, I hope you enjoy it, and if you saw it before, hopefully, it sparks something new in you. (It’s also interesting to read this in light of my going back into insurance just a few years ago. I’ve gone back under much different circumstances, and still haven’t grabbed back on to this dream, but it’s always interesting to look back and see how much has changed in a year.)
I want to get really vulnerable today and talk about a dream that I let go of. I’ve let go of dreams that didn’t mean a significant amount to me, like seeing a band or comedian when I didn’t like their new material as much. But the dream I want to talk about today was a big one. It was one that I cherished deeply and had aspired to for many years. When the time came to pursue it, though, other dreams took over, and I decided to let go of something that was once very important to me.
My parents own a life insurance company, and I grew up with it being the family business. It never felt like something that just my parents did. I felt like I was a critical factor in the business (even if I wasn’t). Whenever my dad traveled for work, my siblings and I knew it was for us. I remember picking what events were the most important to me that I wanted my parents home for and choosing the ones that they could go to work instead. I have joined my parents at insurance conferences since I was 12 years old because that was how I wanted to spend my weekends. I would go to weekly meetings because I wanted to. I loved the company. As I decided against my career dreams of being a teacher or doctor, the dream of being a life insurance agent took shape. I couldn’t wait to turn 18 so that I could get my license. This time around, I would be a key player in the business.
So, I did. I got my license right when I turned 18 and played around with selling insurance for two years while I finished high school and throughout college. When I graduated college in December of 2018, it was time to get serious. If this was the career path I was going to follow, then I needed to truly work it. I moved in with my uncle so that I could stay in Charlotte, close to my friends and the area I had already been working in. And I went to work. At least I did for two months. After that, I spent a few months pretending to work, all the while growing more and more frustrated with my results.
You see, the business I was entering into works best with consistent activity. It works best when we trust the numbers and just go to work on a weekly basis. But I wasn’t doing that (even though I knew it would solve my issues). In November of 2018, I started dating my husband. And in January of 2019, he moved back to Florida for tech school. We became long-distance, but here I was in a flexible business where I could work anywhere, which was true if I worked. Instead, I would travel down to Florida to see my then-boyfriend and work a little bit when I knew I needed to work a lot. In April 2019, we got engaged, and I went into full wedding planning mode for our ceremony in October. Work essentially went on the back burner. The dream of my marriage had taken priority.
In June of that year, my mom asked me what my plans were after I got married. I told her that I had been considering quitting insurance. I knew that the results of my work hadn’t been in my favor because I had not been working in such a way that they would be. I believed in the company and trusted that the system in place would lead me to success if I decided to follow it. But, during that time, I began to question if this dream was for me. I did not love the day-to-day work that it involved. I had started dreading the daily activity I needed to put in for success. I didn’t want to leave the company, but I began to think that this wasn’t what I should be chasing.
I’ve shared about that summer of wrestling before and how I discovered my dream of writing, but to do that, I had to let go of a dream that had been very important to me for much of my life. That was hard to do, and I have found a role on the back end helping my parents in the office, so I have stayed connected to the company that I love so much, but I let go of my dreams of selling and building a team. Here’s the thing, though, my sister had the same dream. She is three and a half years younger than me, and during my journey of wrestling, she got her insurance license. She did the same as me, working a little bit through college and then getting serious when she graduated in 2021.
Except this time, when she got serious, she got serious. Unlike me, who played around at it for a few months, my sister went and put in consistent effort. She qualified for the fancy trips to Aruba and Ireland (I was lucky enough to be her plus-one for one of them). She was recognized at events for her success in sales and team building. She was given time to speak on stage at conferences. She reached a major milestone of team growth which meant she would be recognized on stage and receive a ring to represent her achievement. This happened in January of 2023.
I was very proud of my sister. She absolutely deserves every accolade that she has received for her achievements in the business. But it was hard for me to watch her get that ring. Receiving the ring had been such an important dream of mine for many years. I had pictured myself on that stage many times, and there I was, watching my sister reach that dream.
It’s hard to describe the feeling because it wasn’t quite jealousy. I knew I could earn the same achievement if I wanted to work as she had worked. I knew that I was fully capable of doing that. It wasn’t entirely regretful either because I know that I made the right choice to pursue another career dream. It was the twinge of a dream from the past. There was sadness and hurt saying goodbye to that dream because it wasn’t the right one for me to pursue (at least for right now; saying goodbye to a dream never has to be a permanent thing). It was hard to see that dream again as it came true for someone so close to me, especially someone I am relatively competitive with.
When she qualified for the trip to Aruba, I got to be her plus one. I didn’t have to watch the dream of going on the trips come true from afar because I got to be there with her. I am incredibly grateful that she offered me the experience. I did not get the same offer when she qualified for the trip to Ireland, though. Now, she is dating a great guy that the whole family loves, so he got to be her plus one. She left on the trip on March 31st of this year. I was worried that all those feelings I had when she got her ring would resurface. But they didn’t. My website launched on April 1st, and I genuinely believe that those feelings of a past dream didn’t resurface because I was fully focused and actively working on my new dream. This new dream that I felt called to in a way that I have never experienced before. Every effort I had made on it in the past happened quietly between my keyboard and me. I had allowed very few people to see my writing; of course, a big step to publishing a book is letting many people see my writing. Launching the website allowed me to take that step.
I’m not saying those feelings will never resurface again. I’m not saying that I won’t go back to pursuing that dream at some point. That always remains an option for me. I let go of that dream because of a greater dream (for me) that came along. I let go of that dream because I realized I did not want it like I once did. It is hard to let go of a dream, and we must give ourselves the grace to grieve if needed. But, if letting go of a dream becomes the right call for your life, I want you to know that there is beauty and fulfillment in the new dreams that you will chase.