Partners In Dreaming
I've been watching the new season of Love is Blind, and it is fabulous. I am way behind on episodes because I've tried to be more conscious about my TV binge time. I just made it off the vacation episodes, and we are getting to see the couples in the real world now. This season is extra fun because I went to school near Charlotte, have family there, and am pretty familiar with the area overall. I was hopeful that I would know someone on the show or at least know someone who knows someone, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
At the same time, my husband and I have been watching some new friends at the squadron form what seems to be a budding romance. This is the first time my husband has ever received screenshots of texts between two people asking what he reads the vibes as. It's been entertaining to watch this develop and see my husband get excited about something he normally wouldn't have much of an opinion on. Who knows if this relationship will turn into anything or not? Time will tell on that one, but the overwhelming feeling my husband and I have had through this process is, thank goodness, we aren't dating anymore!
I don't have a lot of advice for people struggling with singleness. I didn't particularly enjoy my time in it, but I was 21 when I got married, so it would be patronizing for me to act like I had any amount of knowledge in this area. There are a lot of aspects of singleness to military spouse life, though.
We get plenty of practice at single parenting and spending holidays alone while our spouses go TDY or deploy. Geo-baching is becoming more common, creating another facet of life where we are separated. For those unfamiliar with that term, it is when a military family and their spouse live in separate locations due to orders, even if they technically could live in the same city. People often do this when it's a short-term assignment, they are having great career success that cannot be moved, or when children are finishing up a specific milestone.
It's not the same as anyone else experiencing similar facets of singleness. I am by no means comparing solo parenting during a deployment to being a single parent or to having a partner who, while home every night, does absolutely nothing to maintain the household or family. Each of those groups faces its own struggles, and we are not here to figure out who has it the worst.
I guess today is just about being grateful for what we do have. Not in the sense that we shouldn't struggle or complain about the hard parts because those feelings and struggles are valid. I'm just so grateful that I have found my person, even if he has to leave sometimes. I do not miss the days of wondering what a text means or if a guy is flirting with me. It's nice to be on the other side of that game because I have the peace of mind and support I need to thrive.
Going back into insurance last week was a big step. It was a big deal for my husband, too. He saw me work in that field for a little bit, but he only saw the downfall part where I backed myself into a corner, got frustrated, and walked away. He doesn't have the best memories of me being in insurance purely because he only heard the good parts in stories.
I didn't hear one negative thing from him about going back, though. He didn't complain when it meant that I spent a week in North Carolina with our son to work. He didn't complain when I was significantly less responsive for two days while seeing clients. He certainly missed us and would have much rather come home to a full house during that week, but we always promise to make it up to each other. And we always do.
I have only heard support on something that I know he was fairly hesitant about. And I know that if everything falls apart, he'll be there to comfort me on the other side, in the same way that he's there to celebrate when everything comes together. I'm working on doing the same in military life. It isn't easy, but it's his dream, so I have to figure it out and encourage him in that.
I'm quicker to say yes to TDY opportunities when he gets a true volunteer opportunity. I'm more accepting of planning family events without him because I am not going to skip out on things that matter to me just because he isn't allowed to take leave. I am doing my best to get involved in all aspects of squadron life so that I can show up well in his spaces, even when I feel out of place.
Dreaming is a family business. Military life makes a lot of decisions for us, but we do get power (or at least pretend power) within that. When we made our wish list for this past PCS, we knew the kind of job my husband wanted to do, which narrowed our choices down to three bases. Then, we picked our favorite from that list. There were compromises. As much as my husband would love to be stationed overseas, that would be incredibly difficult for me. I would figure it out if we had no choice, but we will stay stateside as long as we can make that decision.
Our dreams don't happen in a vacuum. They affect everyone that we know and love in one way or another. There are always going to be people actively rebelling against our dreams. There are always going to be compromises made for the health of the family unit. But overall, I hope you have found a partner who supports those dreams. I hope you have found someone who makes the hard days easier and the easy days more fun. I'm so grateful to have found my partner in dreaming, and I hope you've found yours, too, because, man, it looks rough out there.