The Taylor Effect
Today, I got to bear witness to one of my best friends getting married. While the ceremony may have been nothing like what she pictured or planned for, it was perfect for what they needed today to celebrate their love and commitment to one another. This is definitely going to be a sappier post because of how essential Taylor is to me and for the many things she's taught me about military life while bearing no connection to the community.
I met Taylor in January 2018 at a young adult's small group. It was the same night that I met my husband for the first time (he was actually dating Taylor at the time). It was the same night that Taylor found out it was time to seriously consider amputation for her legs.
She was born with clubfoot, and after more than a dozen surgeries with a lifetime of complications, amputation became the most viable option to maintain and even strengthen her mobility. She teared up that night when she shared with the group, but from that point forward, she steeled herself with excitement for the next chapter.
Taylor has spent most of her life in a body that would not work to the capacity she wanted it to. Amputation actually increased her freedom, and despite the success of the surgery, she still had setbacks. But for every new surgery that pops up, I only hear hope from her about the life-changing event that's just around the corner. This isn't to say that she doesn't have bad days. She has dealt with more health issues and pain than anyone I know, but it has never dashed her hope that something good is going to come and change everything.
When I met Taylor, I was in my second to last semester of college. It was crunch time in most of my classes, and when exam season rolled around just a few months later, I came down with a horrible case of Strep Throat. For some reason, I always got sick with something kind of weird during exam time. In my last set of exams before graduation, I did with pink eye. Strep as an adult is pretty miserable. Getting it during a high-stress time is definitely not ideal. And feeling crummy while at odds with my roommates was just a recipe for disaster.
Taylor heard that I was sick and in the middle of exams, so she drove an hour to my University and gave me the most extensive get-well basket I've ever received. That is the heart of who she is. She showed up for me in such a way that I had never seen before. She barely knew me at that point, and she was all in. That act of kindness got me through so many difficult times, and she is the thin thread that connected me to my husband. I have so many threads that spiderweb out from my relationship with her, and my life would look very different today if she hadn't grabbed hold of me so tightly.
I've seen her through both amputations and numerous surgeries beyond that. I was with her when she was dating someone for way too long that she had no business being with. I was even there when she went blond, which is arguably one of the worst decisions she's made. She has seen me through dating, marriage, pregnancy, and childbirth. She's always been there, cheering me on to chase my dreams and live life to the fullest.
We could probably argue that Taylor is just unlucky with all of the medical issues that she's run into. But I would argue that she makes her own luck because no matter what is thrown at her, she bounces back with a resiliency I've never seen before. She's always finding a new dream and then chasing it with all her heart. The work has never scared her off.
After her second amputation, Taylor decided to take on snowboarding with the audacious goal of competing for the U.S. in the Paralympics. She had never gone snowboarding before and certainly hadn't done it without her legs, but that never stopped her. When she finds a dream, it's like she's been struck by lightning, and she has never been scared away by the work something will take.
I am in awe of her. Her resiliency, passion, and work ethic are all things that I strive to take hold of in military life. Our friendship started off so quickly and has stayed steady for years, no matter how many states away we lived from each other. We both have husbands at home to tend to whatever ails us, whether physical, emotional, or mental, but we also know the unspoken rule that when one of us needs the other, we will do everything in our power to get there. I have never been scared to book a last-minute flight or drive way too many hours when she needs me, and she has done the same more than once.
Military life isn't easy, but frankly, neither is civilian life. Not everyone faces such intense circumstances as Taylor, but I've found that we are all facing something. Almost everyone we meet is either going into a crisis, coming out of a crisis, or smack dab in the middle of one. It is unavoidable. So, if crises are inevitable, what should we do?
We find mentors who guide us through the rocky paths. We find people constantly pointing out the light at the end of the tunnel. We find comrades who stand beside us, ready to fight, because they know that life is too short to let a little turbulence cause us to give up our dreams. Taylor has been all three of those things for me, and I am so grateful that she set the stage for the flexibility and resiliency I should strive for in military life. She set the standard for friendships when life is chaotic and we never live in the same state. I hope everyone has at least one Taylor in their life, and as military spouses, we should strive to be Taylor's to one another.