WHAT DO WE DO WITH THE CHILDREN
We cannot accurately address the military spouse employment issues without talking about childcare. Even if we know the exact job we want and have all the tools to acquire it, the point is moot if we don’t have anyone to watch our children. When I was younger, I had a VHS tape of songs by Joe Scruggs, and one of them was called What Do They Do With The Children? It told the story of a child getting lost at a grocery store or baseball park and wondering what they do with the children after everybody goes home. It ends with a security guard or employee helping the child reunite with their parents. But as parents of children now, we are left to ask the same question: what the heck do we do with the children when we want to chase our dream job?
While most families with children run into this issue at one point or another, military families can face this more often. PCSs take us far away from relatives, and we have to reestablish a network of babysitters every place we go. Deployments and TDYs mean that we more frequently need backup people, especially on the days when we just need a break for a couple of hours. This has always been a tricky issue, but luckily there are other options available to us along with those that the civilian population has. Let’s talk about the options that civilian and military families alike have
1. Traditional daycare center
These are what we would usually think of when we hear the word daycare. It is a standalone center that offers specific hours for families to drop off and pick up kids. The teachers are usually certified in some way for child development, and the facility hosts many kids on any given day. This is quite possibly the hardest of these options. Daycare is becoming increasingly expensive. Even if the cost wasn’t a problem, the waitlists certainly are. Many families find that they need to begin applying to daycares even when they are pregnant to stand a chance at getting their child in when they need it. Getting on a waitlist that early may work if we live in the same place until our kids go to school, but we restart that process every time we move.
2. After School Programs
For many families, school is the primary source of childcare. Our kids are taken care of from roughly 8-3 every day, but that usually isn’t enough time to work full-time outside the home if that is what our career demands. After-school programs can help fill the gap. Whether sports-focused, education focused, or more similar to a daycare service, there can be lots of options to choose from.
3. Nanny
I worked as a nanny for many years and can honestly share that I loved each of those children. I truly felt like part of the family, and I kept in touch with many of them even after moving away. This is often a cost-prohibitive option for many families, though, and I also recognize the level of trust required to bring a stranger into your home to watch your child.
4. Family
Obviously, this depends on the family. It doesn’t work out often, but when it does, it really does! First, we have to live close enough to family that they can watch our children. Second, we have to have family with the availability that we need. Third, we have to trust that family member to watch our children (definitely the trickiest part for some people). But when this works out, we have free or low-cost childcare with someone that we and our child already love and trust.
5. In-Home Daycares
These daycares act similar to a traditional model, but they operate out of someone’s home. They are usually cheaper. They also typically offer a lower kid-to-adult ratio which means your child gets more one-on-one interaction and spends less time with a larger group of kids (which also means fewer germs for kids to come in contact with). Assuming this is a certified program, they often undergo even more stringent reviews than a traditional daycare. If they are uncertified, though, the safety level may not be up to everyone’s standards.
6. Shared Nanny
Same as a regular nanny, but in this case, two or more families split the cost of a nanny by having that person watch all of their kids at once. It works better with smaller families but can be a great option to lower the cost of childcare while providing kids social interaction with children their age.
7. Au Pair
This is like the fancy version of a nanny. They are someone from another country who lives with the family. In exchange for room and board as well as a small salary, au pairs provide full-time childcare. This option can give a lot of flexibility but does require additional space in a house to welcome someone in. Because they live in, they often become members of the family, and it can be an extraordinary bond between the child and caregiver since they spend so much quality time together. (The difference between an au-pair and a live-in nanny is that a nanny would likely come from the local area or at least within the country. These are often significantly more expensive, and the job has a high turnover rate which is why I excluded it as a stand- alone option on this list. From a cost and availability perspective, we are more likely to choose between a standard nanny and an au pair rather than a live-in nanny. And if a live-in nanny is perfect for your family, you can likely glean that from a standard nanny definition since the search process would be fairly similar.)
8. Preschool
This would be an intermediate option before children head off to elementary school. Some preschools act as a mix between a preschool and a daycare offering all-day coverage while focusing on more of a school-like curriculum. Other preschool programs offer a variety of options between full days and half days as well as just a few days a week or the whole week. This provides kids with social interaction and a building block education to set them up for success when they become elementary age. This usually isn’t an option until a child is at least two years old. Some don’t accept children until they are three and fully potty trained, which can be another obstacle in itself for parents to overcome.
9. Non-Profit Child Minding Centers
Think of this like YMCA programs. These are often more classroom centered, with the primary goals of being fun, stimulating, and safe. Since these are run by non-profits, they are usually cheaper than daycare and often offer financial assistance for families in need
10. Form a babysitting exchange
We likely know other families in the same boat as us. They are all looking for affordable childcare that can be there when we need it. So, in this case, we simply help each other out. On Monday, I take all the kids in our group; on Tuesday, someone else takes them. This can work great for families with alternating schedules and kids that get along. It’s also more likely to be a solution for part-time or temporary work over full-time.
These are all options that are available to us. We will, of course, have more options in some areas than others, depending on how middle-of-nowhere our current base is. Knowing these options, we can decide what we want. We can choose based on our schedule, children’s needs, cost, availability, values, and a whole variety of other factors that we look for in childcare. But the ideal option isn’t always the best one available to us. On Friday, we’ll talk about options available for military families, which can make our ideal choice more attainable.