When the Perfect Plan Meets an Imperfect Person
You may have noticed that the Monday post about questions we can ask ourselves to help figure out what kind of job we want, did not go up. There are a lot of reasons for that. There are a lot of excuses for it. But the reality is I was not organized enough and backed myself into a corner.
My initial plan when Monday came, and I had no post to put up, was to quickly write one and throw it up on the website late. And by late, I mean late. I was flying back from my work conference that day, and the earliest I was confident I could write would be after my son went to bed. Not to mention the editing process and uploading it myself.
So I decided that instead of stressing and working to put up something I was certain I wouldn't be proud of, I would just let it go. Monday would come and go without a blog post, and I would start again new on Wednesday. I was disappointed in myself, and I have learned my lesson, so hopefully, it will be a long, long time before it happens again (because I'm sure I will make a mistake like this again).
But we have to have grace with ourselves when chasing a dream. We will all make mistakes. We will all mess up. We will all get in over our heads. We have to take ownership when we mess up. This is my dream. It is my responsibility. When I mess up, I will fix it. Sure, I can make a lot of excuses for this mistake, but they all fall apart under scrutiny.
Excuse number 1: I was at a work conference all weekend, so I didn't have time.
Why that doesn't work: I had plenty of breaks during the conference, and I chose to spend that time socializing with friends and networking with coworkers. While those are all great things to do, I could have easily stayed back at the hotel and done the writing I needed to. But I should have gotten my work done even before the conference started so that it wasn't an issue, to begin with.
Excuse number 2: I was too busy before the conference to write
Why that doesn't work: If we are strictly talking about the day before I left for the meeting, then yes, I was too busy. Between saying goodbye to family and packing, I was stressed and slammed. But that doesn't excuse the fact that I knew this was coming up all week and chose not to write.
Excuse number 3: It was my first-time solo parenting, and I was overextended
Why that doesn't work: I was home with family. I went home for this exact reason, so I wouldn't be overextended and overwhelmed by caring for my son alone. I was staying with my parents, who were gladly willing and able to take their grandson whenever I needed to do something. And even so, now that I am back home alone, I am still making it work to write this while solo parenting (although you can bet that I am counting the hours until my husband gets back home).
I don't need to make excuses. And frankly, I don't need to dwell on it. I need to move on. I just need to say, "My mistake, I'll fix it, and in the long run, it won't be a big deal." With most of our mistakes, they won't be big deals. Sure, they can feel overwhelming and awful at the moment, but we can learn the lesson and move on. Half the time, people haven't even realized what happened, and those that did probably won't remember it ten years from now.
Chasing our dreams is a marathon, not a sprint. I know we would all love to get to our dreams right away, but this isn't a gumball machine. We don't get to put in a quarter, turn the crank, and receive our dreams. It is the grind that makes our dreams real. And in many ways, that process makes us worthy of our dreams. Many times, when we start thinking about a dream, it is beyond us. It may be beyond us from a health, financial, spiritual, or emotional perspective. In some way, we have to grow to reach it. Having room for improvement in our lives and trying to close that gap means that we will sometimes fall short.
We have to give ourselves grace in those moments. We have to let go of the perfectionism that many of us are riddled with. We have to recognize that doing our best will look different on a day-to-day basis. We have to have patience with ourselves when we fall. We have to have the courage to get back up and try again. We have to hold our dream close and remember that it was put in our lives for a reason: because it was made for us. Whether it takes one day or many days, we will fight for our dreams. Whether it takes one mistake or hundreds, we will continue improving for our dreams. Because our dreams matter, and we matter. I hope that on those days when we make a mistake, we can come back to this post and remind ourselves that it's ok. It's all part of the journey, and the journey is worth every step and slip that we have to make.
So I hope you'll give me grace for missing Monday, and I hope I continue to give myself grace for the impending mistakes that I know I will make. The promised post for Monday will go up on Friday. When we slip up on our plans to achieve our dreams, we get to choose what to do next. This may not be the perfect plan. I will certainly make changes as I go along, but for now, it is the ideal plan based on all the information I have. I am still an imperfect person working this plan, though. After this mistake, I have come to a decision point, and I am choosing to get back on the horse and keep charting this path forward. And I hope you do the same when you reach that fork in the road.