Who Is A Military Spouse?
As we discuss the varying questions affecting military spouses and their ability to achieve their dreams, let’s start with some of the basics:
1. Who is a military spouse?
A military spouse is anyone married to a service member, whether they are on active duty, guard, or reserve. That is the simplest definition of a military spouse and the one the government uses to decide benefits. Any legal protections or “benefits” of military life are only handed out to those who have made a legal commitment. The military recognizes common-law marriage, but that still has to be validated by the state first, and very few states have laws recognizing that (and there are usually some pretty strict requirements to have that status).
This is a big reason the stereotype of quick marriages in the military exists. Being able to live on base, have a military ID, and be placed on military orders only happens if you are a spouse. There are certainly ways around that: a lot of families live off base, temporary IDs are available, and anyone can move across the country, but having a marriage certificate and being a spouse makes these things simpler.
2. How many military spouses are there?
It is estimated that there are about 1 million military spouses. I feel like the military of all places would have an exact count on that number, but if they do, only estimates exist online. About 624,000 spouses are married to active duty members, and 372,000 are married to reserve or National Guard members.
That distinction means more to the actual service members because it explains the aspects of their jobs, benefits, and retirement options. But spouses are pretty similar across the board, at least as much as any two people can be similar. We all face the consequences of military life. Some certainly face more than others, but that’s true of spouses from the same career field in the same squadron.
One million is a significant number and we should be able to find community within it. Community is there; it’s just a matter of having the right tools available to access it. There are also about 11.2 million veteran spouses in the world. They likely face different struggles than we are, but they’ve been in our boat before, and we are all part of the same club.
3. What are the average demographics of a military spouse?
About half of the military spouses out there are under the age of 30. A quarter are under 25, and another quarter are between 26 and 30 (that’s the bracket I fit into). The numbers decrease as we get older. 22% are between 31 and 35, 14% are 36-40, and 14% are 41 and older.
That makes sense when you consider the average age of a service member. Most people join in their late teens and early twenties, and a solid percentage of people serve their first contract and then get out. Even if a service member does their full 20 years for retirement, we still end up with a decent amount of that group retiring before they even turn 40.
The overwhelming majority of military spouses are female, and men make up about 10%. These metrics include active-duty spouses as well as civilians like myself.
All that said, my writing is for whoever because we are all facing the consequences of military life. Whether we have a ring or not, are young or seasoned, identify as male, female, or somewhere in between, fellow service members or not, we all know what it is like to miss someone. We know what it is like to love someone who puts their life on the line. And we know how much military life can interrupt our plans. There may be a standard template of a military spouse based purely on averages, but no one is average. We all look and sound different, but that does not mean we can’t support one another as we try to walk the path the military carves out for our families. We all know it isn’t a straight line, and managing the curves is much easier when someone walks with us.