4 Reasons To Let Go of A Dream
We discussed some bad reasons to let go of a dream on Monday. Today, let's talk about some genuine reasons for letting go of a dream. This is something that almost everyone will experience at some point in their lives. If you made a list of 100 dreams, you know that some were far more special than others. For many of us, the ones we cherish less are the smaller dreams. But there are times when we decide to let go of bigger dreams. The reasons from Monday may factor into why we choose to stop pursuing something, but they cannot be the only reason. So, here are four reasons that we may decide to let go of a dream.
1. We decide it is costing us too much.
This may be time, energy or money. We may let go of a dream for now because it is costing us too much time with our kids. Maybe we will pick it back up when they start school, start driving or leave the house. The dream may be costing us too much energy. There is always a wasteland of mundane actions that we must trudge through to achieve our dreams, but if working on a dream drains the life out of us, then it may be time to let it go. That's not how it's supposed to be. Our dreams should fill us up, and while there will always be an aspect of working on our dreams that we will never like, simply because nothing will be completely perfect for us, it shouldn't be mind-numbingly painful, and it certainly shouldn't be the bulk of the effort that we make towards our dream. We may decide that the dream is costing too much financially. Money problems are some of the most significant stressors in our lives and relationships. If the cost of this dream is creating strain in our marriages, relationships with our children or our health, then it may be time to let it go.
Dreams demand sacrifices. There's no way around that. Dreams will always cost more than we think they should, take more time than we think they should and require more involvement from other people than we think they should. But they will always be better than we could have ever imagined. We must decide if the sacrifice is worth it. We must be willing to pay the price for our dreams, and if the price is too high, then it may be time to let that dream go.
2. We genuinely do not want this dream anymore.
There are bands that I would have loved to see in concert ten years ago that I couldn't care less about now. Not because that band did anything wrong, but because my taste in music has changed. Maybe I would still love to go to a throwback concert of all their greatest hits, but I have no interest in paying to sit in a massive crowd and listen to their new stuff. Or, I have always wanted a pool, but as I've become a homeowner, I've realized that my house has enough maintenance as is without the added work of a pool. So, my dream has shifted to living somewhere with a pool within walking distance, but I still had to let go of the original dream of what I imagined my perfect backyard to look like.
We also have dreams from childhood that many of us have probably let go of already. When I was little, I wanted to be a teacher, but as I saw the stress and strain that teachers were under growing up, I knew I didn't want that. I also wanted to be a princess or marry someone rich when I got older. And while I guess the possibility still exists that my husband could have a very wealthy 4th cousin that he's never met pass away and leave him his fortune, the odds are good that I didn't marry rich, and since he isn't already a prince, I probably won't become a princess. I've found and married the love of my life. I already found my dream in my husband, which means that any dreams of what he would be that existed before I met him had to be let go of.
We can outgrow dreams. It's the same way that we have probably outgrown some friends throughout the years. If you're lucky enough to have maintained friendships with people from middle school, high school or college, that is amazing. But I am sure your friend group was bigger during those times. And you have let go of some of those relationships simply because you were at a different maturity level (whether you had a higher or lower level) or had different focuses. We outgrow people all the time. Dynamics in our friend groups are constantly changing, especially when we go through significant life events like getting married, having children or starting new careers. These are times in our lives when we re-evaluate our priorities. And we do the same things with our dreams. It is possible to look at dreams on our list of 100 and decide that we no longer want those things like we used to. And, if we decide we just don't want it, that's ok. There are plenty of dreams that we do want that we should be chasing. We don't need to continue working on something we don't want simply because, at one point, we did.
3. We have other dreams that take root.
When we open our minds up to dreaming, we will constantly discover new dreams. Some of those new dreams will cancel out the old ones we had. I never pictured myself as a military spouse. If you had asked me about my dream in college, I would have told you that I never planned to live outside of North Carolina. I dreamed of living in Charlotte or Boone and eventually returning to Wilmington. But then I met my husband, and the dream of marrying him changed my dream of where to live.
Of course, I still dream of returning to North Carolina one day. But I never thought I would leave. And right now, my dream is to live in Salt Lake City, Utah, because I know my husband would be happy in his career there. I had bigger dreams come into play that required me to put others on the back burner. You may come across the same thing. Our wants and needs are constantly evolving as our lives change. And as our lives change, our dreams change. I have a dream of being a hockey mom, but that is majorly dependent on my son's athletic ability and interest in the sport. That dream may evolve to being a band mom (if he's like his dad), a swim mom (if he's like I was for a brief time) or something totally different because I want to support my son in whatever he decides to pursue.
Our dreams should always light a fire within us. New dreams often do that better than old dreams. This does not mean that we hop from dream to dream, halfway completing each one before moving on to the next, more exciting thing. This means that we make a conscious decision that at our stage of life, this new dream is more meaningful to pursue and then we chase that dream to its completion.
4. Our dream is threatening another dream.
These factors of letting go of a dream play into one another. In many situations, all four will be present before we decide to let go of a dream, especially if it is a big dream. Dreams are their own entities. On that list of 100 dreams is 100 different dreams. There are 100 different ways to chase and pursue those dreams, some of which can be at odds with one another. We cannot become homesteaders and climb the corporate ladder to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company simultaneously. We cannot have children and be child-free. We cannot be present for our child's graduation and speak at a conference in another state at the same time. We cannot be in two places at once. That's not to say that we can't pursue dreams that may contradict one another; we just can't do them at the same time.
On a small scale, if two comedians I like are performing near me on the same night, then I must pick one of those dreams to come true. The other will have to be saved for another time. But, on a large scale, my biggest dreams of writing and speaking will require a significant amount of travel, and if that time away begins to threaten my marriage or my children, then I will have to make a choice. I dream of having an extraordinary marriage that sets the stage for my children to pick incredible partners. But that dream requires work to come true, and if there comes a day when my husband needs me home and my work needs me halfway across the world, I will have to choose.
I hope that day never comes. I hope I build a strong enough foundation to chase this dream that is simply part of my family and our life. But, if I must choose, then I will choose. Each of our dreams is precious to us, but there will always be dreams that we hold closer to others. If the day comes when those dreams are at odds, we will always choose the ones we cherish more.
We don't live in a perfect world, which sometimes means letting go of our dreams. If the time comes (and it will not come for all of us) when we must decide to let go of a dream, just make sure it is a decision that we can stand behind. Our dreams made us a promise that if we fought for them, they would come true. It is a difficult commitment to break, and we better have a good reason when we decide to walk away. I hope this helps you decide if the time ever comes for you to choose. But remember, saying goodbye to a dream, for now, doesn't mean that we are saying goodbye forever. We can always come back.