4 Reasons Not To Let Go of A Dream
I've mentioned a few times and repeated in my post on Friday that sometimes we let go of dreams. Some of those graduates will enter the "real" world only to discover that they need to let go of the dreams they left college with. So when do we do this? First, let me share some reasons why we should not abandon a dream. Letting go of a dream is a big deal. It can be like letting go of a past version of yourself, and while that doesn't mean it won't be the right thing to do, it means it is a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly.
I want to focus on the fact that letting go of a dream is a decision. It is not a whim or spur-of-the-moment thing. This is something that we have consciously thought out and decided that we no longer want to pursue it. So what are the reasons that are not good enough to let go of a dream? This is not to say that these reasons wouldn't be part of why we decide to let go of a dream, but these are not good enough on their own.
1. We Are Afraid
Fear will grab hold of us while we are pursuing our dreams. That fact is simply unavoidable. Anytime we attempt something new, we bring about change in our lives, and change is always scary. Even the changes we are excited about bring about unknowns that can invoke fear.
My dad used to tell me that "fear was a crappy reason not to do something." I used that advice to hop onto the rollercoasters that had filled me with anxiety to watch. Now, I have ridden enough rollercoasters to know that I just don't like them. I still feel fear when I look at a rollercoaster, but I know that no excitement or exhilaration is hiding behind that feeling. I am not missing out on something because of my fear. I could overcome my fear by hopping on the next ride I see, but I know that afterward, all I would feel is pain in my back and that waiting in that line definitely wasn't worth it.
The same applies to our dreams. Whether we fear failure, success, judgment or anything else, fear is a crappy reason not to do something. Often, greater things are hiding behind fear. Behind the fear, we may find fulfillment, excitement and meaning, and if we listen to our fears, then we miss out on the fuller life that we could have known.
I know fear is hard to overcome. I know the problem with fear is that most of the time, the call comes from inside the house. It is our own voice in our head that tells us not to pursue. And we like listening to ourselves talk. It is tough to shut down that voice, especially when we think that we give the best advice. Overcoming fear is a topic for another day. Just know that when we are considering letting go of a dream, we must ask, "Am I giving up on this dream because I am afraid?" If the answer is "yes," then we need better reasons. Otherwise, we may miss out on something truly incredible for our lives.
2. It Is Too Difficult
Dreams demand sacrifices. They demand compromises. They demand effort. If they didn't, we wouldn't call them dreams because they would already exist in our lives. I grew up in the academically gifted program at school, and school came to me pretty easily. Which was great, except it left me with the mentality that I should be good at everything. I didn't have to study very hard, and I tended to pick up concepts quickly. If I didn't, they were generally low stakes, so I could altogether ignore them (to this day, I have absolutely no understanding of limits within mathematics, but it was always such a small part of my tests that I could just ignore the questions).
It wasn't until a weed-out biology class at UNCW that I got my first test back with a score of 67% (and that was only because of a steep curve on the grading) that I realized I needed to put some effort in. It was necessary for me to go through that struggle because I figured out my method to study. I discovered how my mind works a little bit better. I was able to work with myself to succeed in that class and carry those principles with me through the rest of my academic career.
We have to go through hard things. Life is hard; it was never promised to be easy. But if we are going to deal with the natural hardness of life, we might as well put that energy towards pursuing our dreams. I know no one wants to struggle with something, especially chasing our dreams. It is easy to get caught up thinking that if this dream was designed for me, then it must come naturally to me. That's not true, though. Most of the time, dreams come to us a few sizes too big, and we have to grow into them. We cannot avoid the work it will take to achieve our dreams. I know staying on the couch is easier than chasing a dream. But I also know that too many days like that suck the life out of us. We have to work for our dreams because it is the work that makes us worthy of achieving these dreams designed for us. I know it will be challenging, but that is not a good enough reason to give us on your dream.
3. We Feel Unworthy
There's that voice in our head again. Except this time, instead of telling us that chasing a dream is too scary, it tells us that we don't deserve this dream. I'm sure that voice can come up with a whole slew of reasons why you don't deserve to have your dream. I know the voice in my head has a litany of why I am unworthy. We just can't listen to that voice.
I've been rewatching Game of Thrones to prepare for my husband and I's trip to Ireland later this year. I had forgotten the reality of the Theon storyline. For those of you who have never watched or have blocked it out entirely because you hated the final season so much, I'll give a brief recap (also spoiler alert, but if you haven't watched it by now, you probably weren't going to). Theon ends up captured by a true monster. I would argue that Ramsey is the most evil person in the series because not only does he physically torture Theon, he psychologically breaks him down to the point he becomes unrecognizable. Ramsey eventually renames Theon "Reek" because he smells so bad. And even when Theon's sister tries to rescue him, Theon fights to stay with Ramsey because he is so completely broken. Eventually, Theon does wake up enough to escape, but remnants of "Reek" reappear throughout the series whenever Theon faces almost any obstacle.
Talking to a licensed counselor can help with this in a lot of ways. We just need to find the strength to tell the "Reek" within us to shut up. He shouldn't get a say in what we decide to pursue. It's not like he has any great points. He is just so broken down that he doesn't want us to chase anything greater. And often, when we look at the reasons that our "Reek" voice puts forward about why we don't deserve this dream, we discover that they can be easily pulled apart. A thin thread holds each of his points together, and we can easily sever it if we only try.
4. Other People's Opinions
This is a tricky one. With the other reasons on the list, they usually come from an internal source. Whether it is our inner critic, work ethic or self-doubt, the source is ourselves. Other people are always hard to deal with because we can't actually do anything about them. Yes, we can do the internal work to ignore the snide remarks people make and turn off comments on social media, but we can't actually make people stop saying these things.
It is often hardest to overcome when these are the people closest to us, especially when they are the people we trust the most. I was fortunate that the affirmation of my biggest dream came from those people in my life. But I know not everyone will be that lucky. In a lot of ways, these people think they are protecting us. They don't want us putting ourselves out there only to get hurt if we don't achieve our dream. But we cannot avoid pain in this life. Chasing dreams has a 100% success rate for those who don't quit. I know that is a bold statement to make, but I firmly believe that as long as we keep chasing our dreams, they will keep chasing us, and eventually, the two will connect. But if we quit, we take ourselves out of the race and winning a race we aren't competing in is tough. To the people trying to protect us, we respond with, "Thank you for loving me, but I need you to trust that I am doing what is right for my life." We are kind but firm.
And there are other people who don't want us to chase our dreams because they gave up on theirs. They didn't let go of a dream because it was the right thing to do. They quit on a dream because of a reason on this list. If we chase our dreams until we achieve them, then we prove that they should have kept going. If we push past their "quit point" what does that say about them? By holding us back, they maintain the status quo that chasing dreams is hard and not for us (whoever "us" happens to be).
Letting go of a dream is a real thing that we can decide to do. But we do not get to decide to do it based on one of the reasons on this list. These are not good enough reasons to break the commitment we have made to our dreams. I know overcoming each of these obstacles is difficult, but it is the act of overcoming and pursuing that grows us enough to be capable of handling our dreams when they do arrive for us.