The First Night Alone
We may be seasoned pros at separations, but I bet some people here have yet to tackle their first night alone. And probably more of us haven't spent the first night alone at this new duty station. I am very lucky that it took seven months to happen at the new base, but last night was my first night alone in the new house. Every new home and separation will require a system that makes us feel safe and comfortable.
Before my first military separation, I had never lived alone. I got married when I was 21, less than a year after graduating college. Sure, I had spent the very occasional night alone in my parent's house or dorm room, but nothing consistent, and never in a new place. And honestly, if I remember correctly, it was 2.5 years into marriage before I spent the night alone in a hotel room. So, I had minimal experience with this.
My first military separation was just under a month after we got married. We moved three days after he got home, so I never bothered to unpack. I was spending the night in our apartment, which really felt more like his place, and it was still a very unfamiliar area for me. I'm not saying I got much sleep for the three nights I stayed there alone (I planned to return to my parent's house since I had no support system in Florida, and it was over the Thanksgiving holiday anyway). So here's what I did to make myself comfortable for my first night alone at the new house:
Installed a fence
One of the first things we did when we moved in was install a six-foot privacy fence. We primarily did it because we knew it would increase resale value. If someone is deciding between a different house and ours, a missing fence might be the dealbreaker. Plus, we wanted to spend the money now so that the cost would hurt less down the road. It came with the added benefit of extra privacy and security. Our previous house came with a fence and backed up to a home with a lot of land and tree cover. The new house backs up to a road with a decent amount of traffic, and although there is quite a bit of land between the road and the back of the house, I liked adding an extra obstacle.
Lock all the doors
This sounds like a no-brainer but lock every door, including the one leading to the garage. The Criminal Minds quote, "Nobody thinks to lock a door that lies behind a locked door," lives rent-free in my head. If I were the kind of person to open my windows, then I would make sure the windows were locked as well.
Fill my bed with stuffed animals
I fully stand by the idea that if there is enough other stuff in your bed, you won't notice someone is missing. Obviously, that's not entirely the case, but it does help me feel safe and snuggled so that I can relax. I have a ton of stuffed animals, so this isn't an issue, but I imagine a pile of laundry would accomplish the same mission (and give us one less chore to deal with solo).
Close all the baby gates
This wasn't an option at our previous house because we didn't require baby gates, but they were a necessity with the stairs in the new house. I always make sure to close them at night. Again, they aren't actually a safety measure, but it's something that makes me feel more secure.
Lock the car/s
Usually, my instincts lock the car when I get out of it automatically. And it's not as big of a deal at this house because we don't have garage door openers in our cars. There isn't room in the garage to park a car, so using the front door is just as easy. That being said, I made sure to do this at the last house when one car was always parked outside with an opener. Again, it's another reason to lock the garage door.
Set up a lamp next to the bed
Turning off the light from bed helps avoid walking from the wall to the bed where it is really easy to freak ourselves out. Having a lamp just avoids one more opportunity to let my anxiety take over.
Read until I was tired
I know we aren't supposed to stare at our phones until we fall asleep, but it's even more critical if we know we are preparing for a more restless night. Thanks to my bedside lamp, I read more at bedtime, which helps me grow naturally tired without the blue light effect. I do tend to exclusively read books that I've read before at bedtime because then I am less likely to obsess since I know the gist of what happens next. I use separations as an opportunity to revisit series that I love (currently going through Lorien Legacies).
Talk to my husband until I was ready to pass out
This isn't an option for everyone, and it certainly isn't every time. But I've been fortunate that, more often than not, we've been able to talk around my bedtime (even if it was morning for him on the other side of the world). We prioritize talking to each other as frequently as possible (which works for us) during these trips, usually twice a day. Talking to each other helps debrief the day and calm me down before bed.
There are other things that I do and, even more, things that other people do that help them survive those nights alone. Maybe I'll continue the list on Wednesday, but for now, I hope you sleep well tonight, and every night through all the separations the military sends your way.