Characteristics of a Dreamer Part 1
On Monday, I mentioned in the post, 4 Reasons Why Dreams Matter in Your Life, that self-esteem and confidence were essential ingredients to dreaming. I want to talk about those characteristics today and then a few more on Friday. To have the most success when we begin dreaming, it helps if we understand some of the aspects of a dreamer. When we can fit more easily into the mold of someone who dreams, it is much easier to discover the dreams we have within ourselves.
So let's start with defining self-esteem as Oxford does: "Confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect." I paired these characteristics together because confidence exists within the definition of self-esteem. Let's also define confidence. Oxford defines it as, "The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust."
Why does this matter for dreaming? It matters for two reasons. First, we have to believe that we are worthy of a dream coming true in our lives. We aren't just dreaming as a way to pass the time or try to come up with the most outrageous thing we could desire in life. We are dreaming so that one day, with effort, these dreams may exist in our lives. We have to believe that our hearts' desires wouldn't steer us wrong. They aren't building up false hope. These are real possibilities for our lives.
When we go through the actual process of dreaming, we have to suspend disbelief for a bit while we recognize the dreams within ourselves. Often, our first impulse is to try and solve the puzzle. We want to know what the plan is to achieve that dream, but when we are just looking for dreams, the plan doesn't matter. That step comes later. So, to go forth into dreaming, you simply have to believe you are worthy of whatever your heart wants.
The great thing about dreams is that when we begin working towards achieving them, our confidence in our ability to attain them grows. Our belief that we deserve them grows the more effort we put towards fulfilling our dreams. While we need some self-esteem and confidence in our dreams to discover them, the great news is that you don't need all of the self-esteem and confidence you will need for the journey at the beginning.
This is why having both big and small dreams is so important. It's also why it is important to know what many of our dreams are rather than discover them individually. As we work towards and achieve the small dreams, it builds our belief in our ability to achieve the big dreams.
Most of us struggle with our feelings of worthiness, so how do we overcome that? For many of us, those feelings of inadequacy have been with us for a very long time. I know for me those feelings really gained traction when I was in middle school. I don't think we really need to know what exactly made us feel unworthy. For most of us, it probably wasn't a single moment with a bully but rather a lifetime of tiny off-hand comments that have slowly chipped away at us.
There are a great many books that can help with this topic, and I'll share on Instagram some of my favorite confidence and self-esteem-boosting books. When discovering our dreams, my favorite method for dealing with feelings of inadequacy is AIM, Acknowledge, Ignore and Move On. There are books that will help you work through those insecurities, and I highly recommend talking to a licensed therapist about the things you struggle with.
For discovering a dream, though, we don’t need to deal with the issue at hand. For example, I need to recognize that, "Oh, when I think about writing a bestselling book that helps people, I feel incredibly insecure, like I am incapable of achieving it." Then I ignore it by thinking, "This dream makes me feel excited and alive, despite my insecurities. Therefore, it must be meant for me." Then I move on to look for the next dream. We will need different tricks up our sleeves to overcome our anxieties when it comes to achieving our dreams. But when we are in the discovery phase, it's usually as easy as Acknowledge, Ignore and Move On.
The second reason self-esteem and confidence matter when we dream, is that we have to trust the dreams we discover. This is the ignore part of AIM. We must have enough confidence and self-esteem to trust that these dreams are meant for us. In Disney Channel Original Movies, we often see the hero realize that whatever sports dream they were pursuing wasn't really theirs; it was their parents. With that realization, they could discover and pursue their true dream of starring in the school musical or whatever else they wanted. In his book, Goals, Brian Tracy writes, "The way you develop courage and confidence is with knowledge and skill." This helps tremendously when we begin planning to achieve a dream, but it can also help in the process of identifying. Because when we truly stop to listen to our hearts, we sometimes have some wild, off-the-wall things thrown at us. We will hear things where our immediate reaction is no, that's not for me. Not because we genuinely don't want it but because we believe we are unworthy or incapable of achieving it.
We need to know that our hearts would not steer us wrong, and I know we all have a track record of success when we've truly listened to our hearts. Don't think about a crappy relationship you stayed in for far too long because of your heart, because in a lot of cases, I don't think we were genuinely listening to our heart. Think about those moments when you came to a crossroads and the only thing that helped you make a decision was turning inward.
For me, I think about choosing what college to attend. I had narrowed it down to two universities that were virtually the same in every way that mattered to me. They were both small schools with communications programs and were equidistant from home. I had gotten scholarships to both, which made the tuition virtually the same and I didn't know anyone going to either school, so I would be going in blind regardless of which one I chose. But something quiet in me said to choose Wingate (Go Bulldogs!). I met some incredible people through that decision, including my husband. And, maybe life would have turned out great if I had gone to the other school. Perhaps my husband and I would still have found our way to each other, but that choice, where I could have just as easily gone the other way, led me to the life I have today. I just don't believe in coincidences that much. It must have been the desire of my heart to place me at the school because my heart knew it was a place where my dreams would come true.
We have all spent a lot of time working on building up our self-esteem, only to watch it get torn down again. We thrive through a week of deployment only to have the next week kick us in the teeth. We build up an incredible community only to PCS and struggle to fit in in a new place. We have a streak of wins only to be knocked back by one big loss. The battle for self-esteem is a constant one. We must be steady in the pursuit of discovering more love for ourselves. These skills are required for finding our dreams, and they will be required even more so for achieving them. But the good news is that pursuing our dreams will help us build a life that we love and love ourselves in.
