Finding Purpose In Our Dreams
Sometimes, I get incredibly overwhelmed by the fragility of life. Maybe it’s a result of growing up religious, seeing too many good people die young, or being a military spouse. It’s probably a combination of everything. Living life and watching life happen to other people has made me so aware of how little time we have.
I don’t get this feeling very often. Most of the time, I can use this as motivation to push forward into something new, but sometimes it becomes paralyzing. I can’t really describe it other than the feeling that I am slowly disappearing from the earth. I start thinking about all the changes I want to make in the world and then compare that to the time I have left and the fact that I only have two hands. If I sit in that feeling, then I will never be able to accomplish anything. So, I am pushing it to the side and writing.
I genuinely believe that we can change the world. I don’t know how much any lone person can change the whole world, but I know we can change our lives, and that decision has ripple effects that we may never see the full impact of.
It’s a rainy Sunday as I write this, and I am caught feeling like everything around me is so temporary. And a lot of it is. The house that we live in will only be our home for three years. Having my husband downstairs will only last so long until the next TDY or deployment pops up. My son will keep growing up and will eventually outgrow living in our house. I’m pretty lucky, and I’ve got good enough genes that I should have a solid 75 years left on this earth, so what am I going to do with that time?
I’ve been thinking about my legacy a lot lately. What am I going to do with the time I have left? I know I want to be remembered when I’m gone, and hopefully, that memory stretches beyond a few generations. I want to make a difference. I want to save the world in some way.
I don’t know if other people get this feeling. They probably do. It would be arrogant to think that I’m the only one; I’ve just never talked to anyone about it that much. I remember crying in bed with my parents when I was ten years old, feeling so overwhelmed by the fact that I didn’t know what my purpose was. My parents reassured me that they didn’t know theirs either.
In “The Maybe Man” by AJR (no, I am not going to stop talking about this album because it was so incredible), there’s a line that says, “I wish that my brain would triple in size. I’d nail every joke. I’d win every fight. But I’d get too deep with that kind of mind. I don’t want to know the point of life.” It’s easy for me to get too caught up trying to find meaning in everything. It’s easy for me to get bogged down trying to discover exactly what I’m put here for while ignoring the answer that sits so obviously in front of me. I genuinely believe our dreams point to our purpose.
It’s easy to see that in our high-impact dreams. The dream to go into teaching or medicine put us directly on the path of changing people’s lives with clear outcomes. It’s obvious we’ve made an impact when someone dedicates a book to their high school teacher or walks out of our office disease-free for the first time in years. It’s less clear with our other dreams, but I equally believe they have the same power. Dreams like buying our dream car or mansion, help the salesperson feed their family, show other people that their dreams are possible, and create a space for larger things in life to happen. The dream of seeing a band or comedian supports their dreams coming true, and I think that’s one of the most beautiful things we can do for one another.
I believe in God, and I believe those dreams are put in our lives for a reason. I think those dreams show us how to change the world. I don’t know exactly what the point of life is. Maybe it’s holding my son when he wakes up from his nap and squeezes me so tight with his happy kicks. Maybe it’s sitting around a table laughing hysterically with friends over the dumbest card game we’ve ever seen. Maybe it’s sitting on the balcony of a vacation spot, admiring the beauty of a place I’ve never been. I don’t know. But I do know those are all dreams coming true for me.
I try to shy away from anyone who says they’ve found the one correct answer to anything. I think all we have is the best information we’ve got with what we know at the time. So, for me, that looks like finding purpose in my dreams. And maybe if my purpose lies there, yours does, too, in some way. And maybe, just maybe, I can make an impact by helping you find and achieve your dreams. I figure, in the worst case, I can help people find a little bit more joy in their lives even if I totally miss the point of what I am here for.