Happy Memorial Day
Happy Memorial Day to everyone! That really feels like an oxymoron to me, given that the reason we have Memorial Day is to honor those who died while serving in the military. For most people in the U.S., it represents a three-day weekend, but for those of us in military families, we almost always know someone who was there one day and gone the next.
It took four years as a military spouse for me to attend my first military memorial service. I didn't personally know the man who passed, but the squadron felt the heavy weight of his loss. I won't share any specifics because I didn't know him or his family. I don't feel any right to that grief, and frankly, I don't know what is considered OPSEC when it comes to that story.
I think about this man I never met a lot, though. Losing a spouse or parent is a lot of people's worst nightmare. As someone who works in the insurance industry, I help people prepare for this on the financial side because the last thing anyone needs to worry about when losing someone so special is figuring out how to pay for the funeral or next month's rent. However, the gift of a financial plan only ensures that a family can fully sit in their grief. We can't take the pain of the loss away, and we shouldn't try to.
I've always been at a loss for words when someone is going through one of these difficult experiences. It's an aspect of life that we live with daily and are even more aware of as military families. On a day dedicated to honoring those who died in service, how do we truly celebrate?
I would argue that for those of us who have not lost anyone, this day should be about holding tightly to the ones we love. Maybe that translates to a cookout or pool party, but the most important aspect would be sharing community. As military families, we know that the community we look at today will not be the same next year. Relationships, location, and availability change over time, no matter how much we try to prevent it. So we should take the time to love the ones we are with for the time we have together.
For those of us who have lost someone, today should be about remembering that person (or people) and honoring them in some way. My "big sister" (this is the closest I've come to being in a sorority) in military life was a bomb specialist for the military who served for many years. When she felt called to stay home, she remained an army spouse for an entire career and beyond. Her husband was a special forces helicopter pilot in the Army during the significant conflicts post 9/11. Her community saw a lot of people leave and not come home.
During that time, the soldiers would record videos from the war zone. It was one of the best available methods to share stories, memories, and wishes. Those soldiers knew they might not make it back, and making these videos was a way to capture everything they wanted their families to know. So whenever Memorial Day, an anniversary, or a birthday rolled around, these spouses would gather to watch the videos, share stories, laugh, and cry.
When we are gone, one of the legacies that we leave is the people we knew. It's in those stories that we continue to live one. For today, I hope you remember the stories and the love fondly. And I hope you created new stories with the ones you love. Memorial Day is about those who sacrificed everything during their service to this country. The people they left behind know the best way to honor their memory. I hope, if they're watching, they felt honored, and we were all reminded of the people we have loved and lost because there is beauty in grief.