HOW DO I KNOW WHEN I ENTER THE SUSTAINMENT PHASE
Taking care of our dreams during the deployment phase is really difficult, but things become a lot simpler (not easier) during the sustainment phase. The sustainment stage is defined as the second month of deployment through the second to last month of the deployment, regardless of how long the deployment will be. That being said, I don’t think we should put ourselves on a timetable for when we enter the sustainment phase. If we are not ready, then we do not need to pressure ourselves because all that will do is set us back further.
For our first deployment, I probably did enter the sustainment phase right around the one-month mark. That being said, if you had asked me how close I was to the sustainment stage at any point during that first month, I would have responded that I was nowhere close. Day 25 of the deployment was the worst day for me. One day, I will share that story, but not today because, honestly, it isn’t relevant to the conversation. What is relevant, though, is the fact that roughly 5-6 days before entering the sustainment phase, I was at my lowest. And I still made it out, so don’t give up on reaching it yourself, no matter how you feel on any given day.
The danger of looking at a deployment through these stages and with these specific timelines is that we never really know where we stand. When we talk about a financial goal, it is very easy to track our progress. If we want to save up $5,000 to go on a trip in 10 months, then we can break that down to save $500 a month. We know how close we are to hitting our savings goal every week. And it is obvious when we hit the halfway mark.
That’s not true when it comes to a deployment. Very rarely do we even know when the halfway point is until long after we have hit it. And when we look at things from something much trickier to define, like how well we are coping, then it’s even harder to identify when we turn a corner. We can only look back over the entirety of a deployment to see when our family settled into a sustainment stage. Every deployment is different, and how we handle one is not necessarily a good measure of how we will handle another. Still, when we look back on a sustainment period, we often see these markers, and if we go through enough deployments, we can recognize quicker and quicker when we enter that stage and how we get there in the first place.
1. Rhythm
We start to figure out what life looks like with our service member. We begin to develop schedules and feel like we have a handle on the day-to-day life. Not every day will run smoothly, and things aren’t necessarily easier, but we find stability. We are operating at a schedule and pace that is sustainable in the long run.
2. Expectations
During sustainment, we know what the expectations are in our life. We know which days are stressful and which days are more relaxed. We know what our triggers for missing our spouses are and how to avoid or lean into those (avoidance may be the correct answer when we are rushing to do something, but we cannot avoid those emotions forever and need to make time for them to appear. Remember, it is a good thing that we miss our spouses).
3. Strength
The family unit can strengthen back home because we have to rely on one another even more. A hardship can bring a family closer together or further apart. We get to play a role in which way that goes. Of course, if we have older children who are capable of making their own decisions, this becomes a different conversation. But we get to set the stage that family is still a priority even if one member is halfway across the world.
4. Security
There is security as we realize that the family can function with one member down. Of course, we would rather our spouse be home, but we can take pride in knowing that we can maintain a quality of life for ourselves, our children, and our pets. This is especially helpful for young children as they realize that life goes on and there is still plenty of love to be felt even when a parent is gone.
5. Ownership
During the sustainment stage, the family unit that has been left behind begins to take ownership of its responsibilities. Every member knows what they need to take care of to help the family run. We know who is driving who to school, who is doing the dishes, and who is making sure the dog gets its medicine. We all have to work together to pick up the slack when a family member leaves. During that first month, it was easy to miss things and confuse whose responsibility was whose, but in sustainment, everyone can take ownership of their roles.
6. Clarity
Once we enter the sustainment stage, everyone has more clarity on their roles. This doesn’t mean that things will always run smoothly, but if the trash doesn’t make it to the curb, we know what happened and can take more proactive steps to make sure it doesn’t happen next week.
There is an overall sense of “we can do this” during the sustainment stage. We can manage our situation better and have more control over how our emotions impact the day-to-day. This is the best time to focus on our dreams, and many may find that this is the easiest time. But I want to emphasize again that we do not need to pressure ourselves to enter the sustainment stage. And often, we may not realize we are in it until we look back over the deployment as a whole. We just get up every day and do the best we can (whatever that looks like), and at the end of the deployment, we can see everything that we accomplished.