The Importance of Fear
Launching this website was a big step. I had to overcome fear to do it, but now I have settled into a new comfort zone. And I have allowed fear, once again, to prevent me from moving forward. The fear of looking stupid, messing up, and being wrong has held me firmly in place. Fear said, "Perhaps just writing this blog will be enough." I could convince myself that maybe this was the step I needed to take, and then everything else will fall into my lap. But we all know that isn't how dream chasing works.
I could get lucky and find some connections that grow my platform, but that is unlikely. And honestly, is that what I even want? Does that match my definition of success? I don't think it does. The reality is that I want to help military spouses. That's my endgame, and the best measure of success is how many I help. Sure, I am helping myself, but I believe that I can help more than just one. If I only rely on luck and connection, will I really be setting an example of achieving dreams within a military life? Maybe, but it certainly wouldn't be duplicatable or help anyone other than me.
This blog has been up and running for almost three months, and while I had no expectations about my reach at the beginning, it is time to make some more plans. The thing about the make a plan, stick to the plan, ALWAYS DELIVER strategy is that we always need to make new plans. We need to make new plans when we realize the first one isn't working. We need a new plan when we know we can do something better, faster, or more efficiently. And we need new plans when we are ready to incorporate something more.
Often, when we look at the full scope of a plan to achieve any dream, we realize that it is a big undertaking. No matter how simple or complex the dream is, it will require multiple steps outside of our comfort level. One way to cope with the fear that comes from looking at an overwhelming plan is to break it down into smaller pieces. We can work on one aspect and grow our confidence in that area before adding a second piece of complexity to it.
Sticking to our plan can look however we want it to because whatever process works best for you is the best way for you to achieve your dreams. I prefer to focus on one thing at a time and then when I grow comfortable with it, I add on something new, but that means I always have to overcome a new fear. I have settled into writing and posting three times a week. I have gotten into a comfortable cycle of posting on social media. I knew it was time to take the next step and incorporate something new. In fact, I've known this for a while. I've just been missing the kick in the butt that I needed to actually do it.
This is why we have a cartel. My dad came out for a quick visit right around Father's Day. I drove out to pick him up after a meeting and brought him back to my house so that he could get some grandson time. We had a three-hour drive, and I knew the questions he was going to ask. I almost dreaded hearing them, not because I was worried I would disappoint my dad (this is a fear of mine, but I knew for a fact that my answers would not be the cause of this. My dad trusts me and wants to encourage me, but he doesn't want to pressure or shame me, which is why he has a trusted spot in my cartel), but because I knew I would disappoint myself with the answers.
We have to face reality, though, and sometimes it takes someone we love and trust to ask us these questions for it to become real. I already knew what other things I should be doing. I knew who I needed to talk to. I knew what I needed to research. I knew what I needed to create. But it wasn't until I honestly laid out where I was to my dad that I knew I was out of excuses for myself and needed to take action.
I know it sucks that fear isn't going away. I wish I had something more hopeful to say rather than reminding us that it is a battle we will have to fight over and over. But I think the fear matters. I don't know that I would ever go as far as to say that fear is a good thing (except, of course, those healthy fears that keep us from trying insanely stupid things), but I do think fear is important. I believe that when we feel this level of fear when it comes to our dreams, it points to the fact that we are on the right track.
I think our fear wants to hold us in place and keep us from becoming the better version of ourselves that we know we can be. It tries to convince us to stay where we are, settle for what we have, and leave good enough alone. But all that means is that we have found the right path to bring us to something greater.
At least, that's how I know. When I discovered and accepted this dream, I felt called to do it. I was certain about it, but every aspect of my plan to get from where I was to where I wanted to be, filled me with fear. I questioned my capability to get there and my capacity to handle it when I did. But that's the point of dreams. They are there to help us grow into greater versions of ourselves. We can only live a fuller life if we do the things that that person in a fuller life would do. Once we reach our dreams, everything that we've overcome won't be so scary, but it will always be scary on the way there.
I have to trust my fear. I know that when I am looking at and examining this dream, I have identified my next step when I feel fear. I know what I need to do. I have settled in my new comfort zone for too long, and it is time to overcome my fear once more. This certainly won't be the last fight, but it will get me one step closer to the woman I want to be.