What Do We Actually Want For Military Spouse Appreciation Day?
In honor of Military Spouse Appreciation Day, let's talk about what the spouses in your life actually need. We appreciate the candle set and Starbucks gift cards. Still, if we could have tangible changes to the most pressing issues in military families today, we would see lasting gratitude. Let's try to solve the issues facing our community because we know these problems will have long-term effects on the viability of our all-volunteer force.
In a world where a family cannot live on a single income, we need sustainable employment with the opportunity to grow. I understand the value of a PCS. We get to see the world and meet new people, which is one of the things that many people were promised when they joined. I get why squadrons change command every two years (sometimes I think that's one of the worst rules out there, but other times, I am all for it, which is kind of the point). But it's often not all that necessary to move people as frequently as the military does. There are many jobs where staying in one place would be as beneficial, if not more. This decision comes at a cost to families, from the very real out-of-pocket costs that people face to the emotional pain of saying goodbye to a life we've built.
In a world where fathers and mothers are equally involved in raising their children, we need support before, during, and after separations. We have made tremendous advances with the newest guidelines for parental leave (still a little bit annoyed that we missed the 12 weeks with our son by just three days). I understand that separations come with the territory in military life. Deployments, TDYs, and training are all significant aspects of this job. There is a lot of talk about supporting the spouses back home through a separation. There could certainly be more of that, but one thing I see minimal talk about is helping service members through a separation. Some of our spouses are excellent at separating work and home. They can focus on the task at hand and forget the rest of the world. But not everyone is built like that, and frankly, that model worked better for a previous generation that did not share the load as much. It is hard to be the one who goes, and I don't think we see enough support for the mental health of the one who leaves. Even if they choose to go and know it is the right thing to do, it doesn't make it any easier to miss family milestones.
In a world where it gets harder and harder to make ends meet, we need sustainable pay. My husband is an officer, so we live comfortably on his salary. We are fortunate enough for that, but that doesn't mean that every military family is in the same position. We know that nearly a fifth of military families struggle with food insecurity. They have to choose between paying rent and buying groceries. That's not a position that any family should find themselves in, let alone the ones going out to risk their lives for this country. The very fact that the Airman's Attic (I'm sure other branches have an equivalent, but it's a shop on base where everything is free to people below a certain rank) should be clear enough that there is a problem with the pay scale in this industry. When most of the initial promotions are based on time served, there is no way for a service member to work hard enough to make ends meet for their family.
In a world where affordable childcare is nearly impossible to find, we need options that fit with a military lifestyle. We are fortunate enough that I can be a stay-at-home mom for the majority of the time, and we were able to find a great nanny that we could afford to help with that time. Most families do not have that luxury. I understand the ranking system at the CDC. It absolutely makes sense that dual-military and single-parent families would have priority. However, the waitlists are so long that no family can depend on getting access to this program, even if they meet the top-ranking criteria. And even if our child gets into the CDC, the hours are not necessarily conducive to military life. When my husband had a show time for a flight at 3 am, it was a good thing that I was home and available. The saying that it takes a village to raise a child is absolutely true, but by moving us from home and then moving us again every couple of years, our villages are constantly being destroyed.
In a world where healthy living is touted as a significant factor to a happy life, we need access to reliable healthcare. I understand that the healthcare system is just as broken in the civilian world, but Tricare is not what it used to be. I have older friends who made sure to do a career in the military purely because of the value of Tricare. The phrase, "You had me at Tricare," still gets thrown around. The reality is that our servicemembers are waiting months to see the specialist they need to be cleared to do their job. We went through this with my husband a couple of years ago and watched friends go through the same thing recently. During a routine checkup, the military doctors found something in their heart that needed to be seen by a cardiologist. It would be months before they could get that appointment, and in the meantime, they weren't cleared to do anything. Thankfully, in both scenarios, they were cleared as healthy, but it came down to the wire whether they would be cleared in time for the missions they were supposed to go on. Not to mention the emotional strain that we went through as families worrying if something was seriously wrong and what our situation would look like if a medical discharge were coming our way. On the standard side of Tricare, we are finding fewer offices that accept that insurance, limiting our choices and access, which is why most of us chose the standard route to begin with.
In a world where change is inevitable, we need changes that matter. No more annoying changes that were very clearly designed because someone high-ranking needed to add another bullet point to their promotion list. That's a little bit of how Military Spouse Appreciation Day feels to me. It felt like someone wanted to demonstrate that they love and support military families without actually doing the hard work of figuring out the programs and initiatives that would help those families. We don't need to get rid of the day. It's great to appreciate those people in our lives, and while we should be doing it every day, having a set date on the calendar to celebrate is important, too. We just need tangible changes with these programs so that the people we are celebrating actually feel supported in the lives they are leading.