20 Ways To Actually Make Friends As A Military Spouse
One thing that people across the world crave deeply is community. In military life, this can either be easy to find or quite difficult. People often share that it is easy to make friends in the military because we are all going through the same issues together. We all move frequently, so we know that friendships need to form quickly. We all go through separations and need local people to lean on. The longer we are in, the smaller the military gets, so we often find old friends or acquaintances at our new bases. All that is great and true, but the ease of finding community often comes down to our personality and life stage.
Those of us with young children may find it easier to make friends because our kids often find it easier. Then, we have access to the other parents in the community. Those of us with spouses in command positions constantly have events to attend, which can give us an easy way to meet people, not to mention our spouses are probably fairly social themselves and already know many people. But if we are naturally shy or introverted, showing up alone at a random event for spouses can be overwhelming. If we are working a traditional job, being able to show up for these events at all can be impossible. And if the first few people we meet don't match our personality, we can give up the search altogether. We'll just start over at the next duty station since we won't be at this one very long anyway.
We can't go through life without community. There is a lot of advice out there about how to find friends because the reality is that making friends in adult life can be incredibly difficult. We don't have hours in a classroom every day to get to know people. We usually aren't involved in extracurricular activities like sports or art classes that would give us the opportunity. If we are struggling to find a job at our current duty station, then we don't even have coworkers to try to bond with.
Making friends when we were young was so much easier, but we can either lament the good old days or figure out how to find a community where we are. As we prepare for PCS in a few months, I find myself pulling away. I don't really want to try new places or events because I don't want to create more things that I have to say goodbye to come January. This isn't helpful for me, though. I still need community while I'm here, and in our situation especially, we will certainly be back in Oklahoma one day. And there's also someone out there who needs me. I met one of my closest friends just a few short months ago, and she has struggled greatly with feeling ostracized from a community that should have welcomed her. Even if we are full up on friends, there may be someone out there who needs us (and I think we'll discover that we really did need them, too). So, even if you will only be at a duty station for a short amount of time (we all have different definitions of short), I encourage us to make a home there. This means hanging up pictures at our house, finding a go-to brunch spot, and, most of all, making a friend or two.
Life in the military changes on a whim. We may think we will be at an assignment for three years only to find out after getting there that it'll be more like eight months. Or the reverse could happen where we think we'll be somewhere for less than a year while our leave date keeps getting pushed back a few months at a time. We must fight to establish community no matter how long we are there. It's the best way to get through these separations and essential to making our dreams come true. So, here is an incomplete list of things to try to meet new people right now because we all could use one more friend to lean on.
Use social media (not all of our friendships need to be local and in person)
Look for playgroups on the base
Book clubs
Volunteer at the thrift shop on base
Reach out to friends from other bases for mutual acquaintances at your current one
Meet the neighbors
Church groups
Military family readiness group meetings
Military social network
Join base Facebook groups (there are usually more than one depending on what level of drama we are interested in)
Sign up for local classes
Join a gym
Host a housewarming party
Volunteer at a local charity
Try a friend-making app (meetup, peanut, bumbleBFF, etc.)
Our spouse's coworkers and their spouses
Host a game night, wine night or any kind of night
Go to a playground or dog park
Join a stroller or walking group
Volunteer in the squadron (FRG leader for Army, Key Spouse for Air Force, and I'm not sure what it's called in the other branches)
Overall, just say yes when invited to things, and make sure to ask others along. We all either have a community or need a community. We all need each other for that. And don't burn bridges. Just because we have moved states away from our best friend doesn't mean that relationship must end. One day, we will very likely be together again with an even bigger community to bring with us.