The Honeymoon Phase
Deployment has ended. We survived! I think we've covered homecoming day well enough, but that is not the end of the deployment cycle. After homecoming day, we enter the post-deployment stage, which includes reunion (homecoming) and reintegration. This stage traditionally lasts 3 to 6 months after a service member returns home. As with all of these timelines, think of them as a guideline. If we assume that the end of this cycle is when things go back to "normal" or when we re-enter pre-deployment, then we may be much faster or slower than that pace. Use it as a basis, but do not pressure yourself or your family to complete the cycle right on time. This may be the average timeline overall, but that doesn't mean it's the timeline for your family or spouse's career field.
Every deployment cycle looks different. Until two years ago, my husband's career field deployed for six months every two years. Four primary squadrons on our base rotated to the same place every time. With the changes to his aircraft came a shift in the deployment cycle. This year, when it came time for his squadron to enter the deployment phase, they split the group. One group went on a "spring break" deployment, which was a few months, and my husband went on a "summer break" deployment, which ended up being a month-long TDY.
I've gotten lucky, though. I know many of you would love to have a full six months of post-deployment before re-entering the pre-deployment stage. I hope you can get that time one day. My experience with deployments has been very cyclical, making it much easier to find my place in this cycle. But, from my understanding, that is an anomaly in this life.
In my opinion, one of the hardest parts of this life is all the question marks that it produces, especially when it comes to deployments. How long will they be gone? When will they get home? How much longer do we have? When will they leave again? I've never been much of a "go with the flow" kind of person, so having all these unanswered questions can really overwhelm me. So how do we live in the moment while knowing those answers will be coming soon (because sometimes the answers are scarier than the questions)? How do we keep living when we have to hurry up and wait?
The beauty of the initial post-deployment time is that we usually enter a honeymoon phase. This is different for some couples, but most couples do find it at some point. Take the examples from last week: Roxy and Trevor took a hot minute to find theirs, while Claudia Joy and Michael quickly reconnected.
I want to talk today to the Claudia Joy and Michael couples. Those that fit more with Roxy and Trevor need to prioritize communication. Everything that should have and could have been talked about before homecoming is a great place to start. Look for outside help from a trusted friend or professional if y'all decide that's necessary. Anyone can have a honeymoon phase, we just have to figure out how to get there.
For those of us that the honeymoon period comes very quickly, I beg you to enjoy it. I know how easy it is to let those questions come in. I know how easy it is to let the countdown clock to the next separation start ticking. I know how easy it is to plan for disappointment.
The honeymoon stage will end. Those questions will come back, and the answers will, too. There will always be another countdown clock to start. There will be more plans that we try and fail to make. But sometimes those plans will work out, the countdown will be much farther away than we expected, and those questions don't seem nearly as big as they once did.
When my husband and I were dating, that clock was ever-present. He was stationed 10 hours away from where I lived. I could visit quite often, but every time I did, there was a clock. Five days left, four days left, three days left, etc. I remember the morning after our wedding, laying on the couch in our hotel room and thinking there wasn't a clock. I wasn't naive. I knew that TDYs and deployments would come. I knew there were many more separations to go, but at that moment, I could shut down all the clocks and be entirely grateful that we were together.
In those moments, we should do everything possible to make it feel like it's just our spouse (and probably our kids, too) and us. The rest of the world melts away, and it's just us with our perfect little family. Hold onto that moment for however long it lasts. Some of us will have just one night. Some of us will have the entirety of R&R. Some of us will never have to say "see you later" again; we will all probably experience each of these at one point.
Don't worry about the real world for these moments. I promise it will come back. Just focus on each other. Enjoy the victory of what you have both made it through. Remember, this is all part of the ALWAYS DELIVER moment of a dream come true.
