How A No-Notice Deployment Affects Our Dreams
As we unpack each deployment stage and its relationship to pursuing a dream, I want to look at each from the "make a plan, stick to the plan, ALWAYS DELIVER" perspective. Where we are in that process will mean different things, for the separations affect our dreams. To begin, let's look at the pre-deployment stage. Personally, I think this is the most challenging time to dream.
I have been through two pre-deployment stages. My husband ended up not going on the second deployment, but we went through every aspect of pre-deployment, so I will count it. For the first deployment, we had plenty of notice. We knew almost a year ahead of time when he would be leaving. Of course, the specific date changed a few times, but he left within two weeks of the original estimate. The second time was a no-notice deployment; he should have left within
48 hours of finding out about it. They dragged that out for almost a week before canceling it altogether.
No-notice deployments do not have as significant an effect on our dreams as the ones with plenty of notice. The reason is the value of a few days of dreaming chasing versus a few months. No-notice deployments throw everything off course, but our only choice with them is to accept and plan. There isn't much time to stew on our emotions about it, and there definitely isn't enough time to truly mess up our plans.
1. No-notice deployments during Make a Plan
If we are in the early stages of dreaming, then it's honestly the best time for a deployment to happen. I know that there is never a good time for a deployment, and I want to be very clear that I would much rather have my husband home. That being said, when deployments come, they throw all of our "normal" schedules out the window. If we are trying to
incorporate planning for our dream, then there isn't a better time to do so than when we are resetting our schedule anyways. It is certainly harder to pursue dreams during a deployment, but this allows us to have something we strive for throughout the separations. We can use the time to learn and grow in ourselves and who we want to become. Deployments will always change us, and we get the chance to try to change ourselves for the better.
2. No-notice deployments during Stick to the Plan
This is obviously trickier to do. At this stage, we have already decided what dream we want to work on and have made a plan to put that into action. Maybe we've been working on this dream for a few days, or maybe we've been putting months or years into this plan. A no-notice deployment will take us off course until they leave, and then we will have to build a new plan from scratch.
When we first hear of this kind of deployment, it begins a whirlwind of activity. There is packing, laundry, paperwork, tears and little time to think. There isn't room to make time for our dreams during these few days, and I have no intention of telling you otherwise. If we only have a few days before our spouses leave, we need to soak up every minute we can with them. Our dreams can wait a few days.
The biggest thing to understand about the stick to the plan stage is that it requires flexibility. We will never get our plan right on the first try, and when we realize something isn't working, we have to be willing to go back and reset. This is the time to do that. Our responsibilities and stress level increase with any deployment, and we need to make space for that in our dream-chasing plan. We must recognize that we may not be as productive as we would be if our spouses were home. But just because we can't do everything we used to be able to doesn't mean that we can or should stop. Thriving in a deployment means making time for who we want to become, which requires creating space for our dreams.
3. No-notice deployments during ALWAYS DELIVER
This is probably the hardest and worst time for a no-notice deployment to happen. When we reach the ALWAYS DELIVER stage, we are ready to achieve our dream. We may be waiting on the right time to take hold of it, but everything is in place for it. And for a lot of us and our dreams, achieving them is so much better with our spouse, and sometimes dependent on our spouse.
Let's talk about how this would affect some of my dreams so that you can better understand what I'm talking about here. I have a dream of going to Ireland. My husband also shares this dream. We have gone as far as booking flights, and I am planning the trip now. A no-notice deployment would mean one of two things: I could cancel the trip or go without him. And while technically, I could achieve this dream without my husband, that isn't the true nature of this dream. I want to go somewhere with my husband that he has always wanted to go. I want to travel internationally and baby-free with my husband. If we take the dream at face value of wanting to go to Ireland, then I could do it. I already have childcare lined up, and the tickets are paid for. But that isn't the way I want to achieve this dream.
Another dream that I have is getting a book deal. My writing is strictly between my keyboard and me. My husband isn't really involved in it, and that's how I prefer it. But he is overwhelmingly supportive of my dream. He makes sure I have time to write. He makes sure I prioritize it. He took our son to work with him today so I could have the necessary space to be productive. Even if he isn't inherently helping me with my plan, he is an integral aspect of it. And when I win, I want him to be here to celebrate. In this case, if a book deal falls in my lap while he is deploying or deployed, I will take it. I will do this on my own if I have to because it is my dream. But the victory would be so much sweeter if I had my husband by my side to share in it.
The distinction about when we hear about a deployment really only affects our dreams in the pre-deployment stage. Once we get into the rhythm of a deployment, it doesn't matter whether we had a six-month or six-day heads-up about it. No-notice deployments are challenging in their own way, and we can't really prepare for them. That's kind of the point. But we can make the decision to prioritize our dreams and understand how the pre-deployment stage will affect our ability to achieve them. We'll talk on Wednesday about how a big notice deployment (I don't think there is a pithy term for those, but correct me if I'm wrong) affects our dreams, depending on what stage we find ourselves in.