What do we do when there is nothing we can do
I know that I said a different post would go up today (it'll go up Wednesday instead), but it's been a long week, and I need to vent. I want this blog to be a space that helps people, and the biggest person I'm trying to, or at least that I know I can help, is myself. This means that the advice is pointed towards me. The reminders are for me. And that I need to use this space to get all my frustrated feelings out. Maybe you'll feel the same and realize you aren't alone, or maybe you've got some great coping skills to send my way for my specific brand of crazy.
We are waiting on PCS orders. We were supposed to find out two weeks ago, and every day my husband goes to work to find out the timeline has been pushed a day or two. He tells me this situation is highly irregular, but frankly, he seems to be a magnet for the nonstandard, so I've come to expect this pretty often, even if I'm not prepared to handle it. Who knows, maybe by the time this post goes up, we'll have our answer, but for now, I am spinning, yet frozen.
I really want to move. I love the community that we have built at this base, and I am ready for a new adventure. I thought being a military spouse would mean moving pretty often, but that hasn't been the case. We are coming up on four years at this base, and I am getting itchy. Some of our really good friends have gotten orders to other places. If we have to restart building this local community, I would rather do it in a new location.
I want to buy or rent a new house and start decorating it. I need a new project at home, but the longer we stay here, the higher our chances of moving become, and the more I feel like I'm in limbo. If we are preparing to move, then I want to get ready for that rather than establishing deeper roots that will just be harder to pull up. It has made me slow to join new groups and has definitely made me more hesitant to hang anything up.
I want to be closer to family. Our dream assignment popped up this time, and honestly, it is not an assignment that very many people want, which means we have a better-than-average shot at getting it. It would put us close enough to family that we wouldn't even have to take leave to visit them. We could save up so many leave days that we might even end up with use or lose days. At this point, we are constantly scraping the bottom of our leave barrel, and almost all of that leave goes towards visiting family. With time off to spare, we could go on the vacations we want without compromising on the amount of time that we spend with family.
Financially, moving right now would be really good for us. I don't think we'd make any money on the PCS since we've planned to let the military move us, at least until we have a terrible experience. Then we will consider doing a full DITY. I know they are called PPMs now, but that acronym is so much worse, and the entire thing is harder to say, so I'm sticking with DITY. In my personal opinion, an acronym is not quicker if we still have to say every letter of it. And if it's not quicker, then it's just annoying. We would make a decent amount of money selling our house, though, which would really help with the fact that I need a new car. And it would give us more play money in the budget with inflation increasing the price of everything. If we get our dream assignment, we could actually afford to go on some of the vacations we dream about.
I love packing. I look forward to going through every item we own and deciding whether to pack or purge it. Just a side note: even if you are planning for the military to handle the move, you can actually pack up everything you want, and they'll move it. Sometimes they will check the contents of each box (they are supposed to, but didn't do that for the last time we moved) to manage their liability, but in my mind, we get the benefit of more securely packing things like I would while having someone else drive the moving van. I know that taking pictures of everything and making an inventory of all that we own while packing and purging it all sounds pretty tedious to some. If that is the last thing you want to do, definitely don't do it. It's your stuff, and you can handle your belongings however you want. But for me, I love the process. I love the puzzle of it all. I love rediscovering a love for things that I probably should have gotten rid of years ago.
I just feel like we are in limbo. I want to start our next adventure, but we don't have any information. To make matters worse, the information about who is moving is trickling out day by day. A few people get to know every day because the commander is only getting a few names at a time, and we seem to be at the bottom of that list. When we began this week, we were definitely going to know by Tuesday. Then it was Wednesday. Then Thursday. And now it's Friday, looking like Monday at the earliest, and I'll have to go a whole weekend with this weird feeling hanging over me.
I know we have to keep living life. I know I need to keep chasing my dream. I know that things are going to change whether I like it or not. I know that the information is decided, and we'll find out when we find out. I know we have to hurry up and wait. I know there is nothing we can do to hurry up or change the outcome. But that doesn't make it any easier to actually put those principles into practice.
Waiting is not my strong suit, and I certainly don't have everything figured out (obviously). I am waiting until the last minute to write the post for Monday despite the fact that I have been way ahead since I missed that post a few weeks ago. I have not been in the best headspace. But I am trying to push forward. I am trying to show up on my keyboard. I want to keep chasing my dream even if I am not as productive as I usually would be. We can only do our best, and we must understand that our best will look different every day. But seriously, this girl needs some help coping with the unknown, so if you have any strategies, please send them my way.