When I did the series on supporting military families through a PCS, one of the points I made was to show up. This post may get a little more ranty than I usually do, but one of the biggest things we can do to support our military families is to show up for them. I am fresh off of a weekend of showing up for and being shown up for in military life. I don't know how many years officially make a tradition, but we are coming off of our third year of meeting my oldest friend and her husband somewhere roughly halfway between our two cities for President's Day weekend.

I may have gotten ahead of myself talking about staying on the line last Friday. I’ve been chasing this dream for a very long time and know many of the steps that will get me from point A to Z. I don’t know everything, and while I do know a lot about the general principles of publishing a book, I don’t know the specific details of how my dream will come true.

I keep forgetting that today is Valentine’s Day. We’ve never made that big of a deal out of it, and I’m not even sure we’ve done gifts aside from our first year together. My husband usually gets me something, but he doesn’t really like presents, so I typically take today off. Sometimes, we go out to dinner, but for the past few years, we’ve planned trips to see friends for President’s Day weekend, so that’s primarily been our celebration. Plus, now that we have a one-year-old, hiring a sitter to go out to dinner and a movie after work just doesn’t feel all that worth it.

I have discovered one of my favorite parts about being a military spouse: We get more “firsts” than the average person. There are the more obvious firsts, like that first kiss after a deployment, the first time living in a new state or country, and the first military ball (I still haven’t gotten this one). There are the not-so-fun firsts, like the first time we get stationed in the middle of nowhere, the first deployment, and the first time the stomach bug goes through the house during a TDY. But there’s also a lot of little first, which I want to talk about today.

It’s easy for me to lose focus. Between adding on a new “job,” my writing goals, blog growth plans, and living life with a one-year-old, it is easy to get off track. It’s a constant struggle for everyone, no matter how many directions they are being pulled in. Work, relationships, parenting, pet ownership, living life, and chasing our dreams all want a spot on our plate.

Sometimes, I get incredibly overwhelmed by the fragility of life. Maybe it’s a result of growing up religious, seeing too many good people die young, or being a military spouse. It’s probably a combination of everything. Living life and watching life happen to other people has made me so aware of how little time we have.

Going back into insurance is a big deal for me. I know I've shared this story previously, but it has been a while, and there are a lot of new readers on the blog, so I'm going to give the quick version. When I graduated high school, I dreamed of going big in my parents' insurance company. I worked part-time throughout college, making decent money, and planned to go full-time when I graduated, which I did. That didn't work out as well, though. At the same time I graduated, my boyfriend (now husband) returned to Florida for training when the base finally reopened after Hurricane Michael.

Dreams cost money to achieve. That is always going to be a piece of the puzzle. The dream of becoming a doctor that heals the sick means paying for medical school. The dream of traveling to Italy means paying for flights, hotels, and excursions. The dream of a fancy car means loan payments, insurance, and maintenance costs.

I think these resources are all great options to help manage the cost of a PCS. These conversations are important to have. As couples managing military life together, we need to be on the same page. But time and time again, as I researched ways to help with these expenses, I came across the same variations of advice: save up for it.

Let’s finish the conversation on preparations that need to be made before a PCS. These are good things to discuss and prepare for, regardless of whether a PCS is on the immediate horizon for our families. We just moved, and it’s really unlikely that we’ll move again before our three years here are up, given my husband’s career field. But we are fresh off a PCS, which means that hard parts are at the forefront of our minds, and we are in a better position to understand and prepare for next time.

When researching for financial aid during a PCS, two types of results popped up. The first were programs, which we already talked about, and the second was more along the lines of preparations that individual families should make. This is important to discuss and prepare for, so let's go over these recommendations. 

Here is part two of programs that help offset a PCS’s cost. Making this list has been very helpful to me, given the fact that we just PCSd a few weeks ago. I’ve found extra funds that we qualify for that we wouldn’t have known about without this research. Hopefully, you’ve been better informed than I have about programs that help with PCSing, or you’ve found something useful in this list to help with the expenses.

When researching how to manage the cost of a PCS, two different types of information pop up. The first is programs or resources in place that can help offset these costs. The second are discussions and preparations that should be made. To start, let’s talk about the programs in place.

We’re going to finish out the list of unexpected PCS costs today. On Monday, I’ll share some resources I found to help with those costs, along with their pros and cons, if there are any. A lot of this stuff may seem like more minor expenses. $20 here and $30 there isn’t really anything that breaks the budget, but all this stuff adds up. And across multiple PCS’s we start talking about much bigger numbers because none of these costs are going away no matter where we end up moving to.

Continuing with the hidden costs of a PCS, let’s tackle some more of that list today. I’m sure I will miss things, so hopefully, you can point out my blind spots. I am primarily making this list from the perspective of a military-covered move rather than a PPM or DITY, but most of these things pop up after the move. No matter how we get to our new station, we incur these fees that are not covered by the military.

One of the big myths surrounding military life is that the military pays for everything when it comes to moving (there are other myths along the same lines regarding pay, but that’s not what I want to tackle right now). There are a lot of hidden costs to a PCS that families may not know about or be prepared for. I certainly hadn’t thought about them before this move.

We are 12 days into the New Year, which, for a lot of people, means that every resolution they made has fallen off the books. Hitting the gym at 6 am, reading every day, or cutting out sugar often gets thrown out the window the second we slip up on our new habit. It's something people face every year as they make life-changing habits that either aren't sustainable for their stage of life or are a lot harder than they were ready to handle. It's going to take more than a few weeks to undo decades of opposing habits.

We’ve officially been in Georgia for a week. Today, I drove to Target and back without GPS, so it is starting to feel like home. The boxes are slowly getting broken down, and pretty soon, it will look like a place we’ve always lived. It’s been hard, though. Living amongst boxes and trying to decide where everything goes is stressful, and so is facing the reality that our friendships have changed significantly. We are very fortunate that multiple friends followed us, but our group looks very different from what it did before.

On Wednesday of last week, we arrived at our new house. We set up the air mattress, pack-n-play, and unloaded the cars. We had dinner with friends that we had not seen in a few months. And I managed to get some writing in. My mom and brother arrived late that night at a hotel in town to help with the movers.

There are a couple of significant factors in our success. One is consistency, which I know I have hammered (and will continue to hammer). Another is a partner. It's always just ourselves that bears the responsibility for our dreams, but that doesn't mean we have to do it alone. I know that sounds like a contradiction, but one of the biggest factors to our success will be the support we find along the way.