I think we are all well aware of the fact that one of the worst things you can say to a military spouse who is struggling is, “Well, you knew what you signed up for.” It’s honestly just a nonsense thing to say to someone who is facing a challenge. It does not provide a solution and certainly doesn’t ease the burden. Military spouse life is the only space I have seen this phrase used consistently. Regardless of how well-meaning the person saying it is, this does not help. So, for anyone reading who may be confused as to why this phrase would bother someone they know and love so much, let’s look at this in some other context.

After doing our Easter church service early last weekend, we ate lunch at a local cafe. They had recently opened a more fine-dining type restaurant and were running an insane promotion. For every meal eaten there, you would receive a gift card with the same amount as your bill during March. Apparently, the promotion worked wonders. My parents had gone with their leadership team the week before, resulting in a pretty hefty bill and gift card. So after a breakfast and dinner, we had just enough for the family to go out to lunch after church (with five dollars still left on the card).

Today is my blog's first birthday! It is also my baby's best friend's second birthday, so shoutout happy birthday to Rhea. I hope you are loving the aquarium today. April 1st, 2023, was the day that I posted my first ever blog post, and aside from just a few missteps, I have been consistent about posting here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of the last year.

Next Monday will mark the one year anniversary of launching my blog. As a countdown to the anniversary I am going to share the top three posts across the last year. This post originally ran on May 19. If you missed it the first time, I hope you enjoy it, and if you saw it before, hopefully, it sparks something new in you. (It’s also interesting to read this in light of my going back into insurance just a few years ago. I’ve gone back under much different circumstances, and still haven’t grabbed back on to this dream, but it’s always interesting to look back and see how much has changed in a year.)

I've recently learned about the concept of big T versus little t in terms of trauma. Big T trauma is often what we typically think of. It's usually a single incident that results in acute psychological trauma. Little t trauma tends to refer to events that typically don't involve violence or disaster but do create significant distress. Examples of big T trauma would be things like sexual violence, witnessing a death, or surviving a natural disaster. In contrast, examples of little t trauma would be more like emotional abuse, divorce, or non-life-threatening injuries.

I had a different post planned for today, but I just left the Macon-Bibb County

Commissioner's office crying, so let's talk about that instead. Now, I do have a lot on my plate,

so it is a lot easier to send me into tears at the moment. And crying is my response to just about

everything, so it's not that unusual to me.

Hopefully, you'll allow me just one more post about that monologue from The Blacklist. The final line Dembe says is actually a reference to a poem by Dylan Thomas titled "Do not go gentle into that good night."

I finally got around to seeing how The Blacklist ended. I watched seasons 1-9 during my first few weeks postpartum when all I could do was sit on the couch, feed my baby, and heal while binging TV. The show definitely loses its focus somewhere in the middle, but I felt like the final season was really well done. I do recommend ending the show for yourself about three minutes before it actually ends because that was not my favorite. Still, Dembe gets a lovely monologue just before that, which is what I wanted to share today.

Our nanny couldn’t come to work today because the battery in her car died. At least, she thinks it is the battery. She sent me a video of trying to start the car, and everything on the dashboard was flashing while the locks kept locking and unlocking around her. It felt more like her car had been possessed to me, but I don’t know anything about cars.

Last week, I had another surprising dream come true. Number 9 on my list of 12 dreams for this year was to have 500 readers on my blog in one month. On the third of every month I get a report from the team that designed and manages my website about how the previous month was.

Today, I made a brave first step. I applied to be a presenter at the 2024 Pillar Online Deployment Retreat. I have attended this retreat for the past few years. I think it is an incredible resource for those in a deployment, preparing for a deployment, or just getting over a deployment because we know there’s always another one coming. The coping skills and strategies that help us in a deployment also help us on the outside. They can help us in day-to-day life as well as through any PCSs or TDYs that come up.

Dreaming is a little bit like gambling. I love a good game of blackjack. I’m pretty lucky, and I’m not scared of spending money, which is also why I don’t go to casinos very often. But dreaming can give that same feeling. It’s looking at what could be, taking a pair of dice into our hands, and throwing them out hoping for the best (I know that’s more of a craps analogy than blackjack but I don’t really understand how craps works so I haven’t played it).

I've been watching the new season of Love is Blind, and it is fabulous. I am way behind on episodes because I've tried to be more conscious about my TV binge time. I just made it off the vacation episodes, and we are getting to see the couples in the real world now. This season is extra fun because I went to school near Charlotte, have family there, and am pretty familiar with the area overall. I was hopeful that I would know someone on the show or at least know someone who knows someone, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

When we were stationed at Tinker, there would be the opportunity to take photos in front of the AWACS (the plane my husband flew on) every few months. We never took advantage of this because my husband is not the biggest picture person, and honestly, we always found out so late that all the slots were booked up anyway. I know this is a pretty standard military practice, especially for those in the flying community.

One of the biggest aids to our consistency will be our ability to stay emotionally regulated throughout the process of chasing our dreams. We can’t let the highs get too high, or the lows get too low. I’ve seen this a lot from people in sales. They have one fantastic week where they can’t be told no, and now they want to run through the streets naked. Then they follow that up with a week where they couldn’t even close a door, let alone a sale, and they want to find the nearest cliff.

Today was the official restart day of my work in insurance. I called current clients today to schedule appointments for tomorrow and Wednesday. It was exciting. I had success. And the whole time, I had this nervous pit in my stomach. I knew that pit would come back, which is why I wrote myself that letter from a few weeks ago in the first place.

I will preach again and again about the power of making that list of 100 dreams. It forces us to dig deep for what we really want and accept the dreams we wouldn't normally add because we don't feel like they are "meaningful" enough to go on a list. It also keeps our eyes open to take advantage of a dream come true when the opportunity presents itself.

My husband's contract will be up in roughly three years. We signed an extension by accepting the Robins assignment. We didn't know that at the time, though, so heads up for anyone planning to get out and wanting to move. A PCS may extend the contract. We had two years left, so now we have three to finish this assignment. Turning down an assignment can be a career killer, but if you're already planning to get out at the end of your term, it probably doesn't matter as much.