When we talk about the stages of deployment, there are two different cycles. The first is a more militarily recognized cycle, and the other is the more emotional one. Both are important to understand, and we have to navigate chasing our dreams differently depending on what stage we are in. First, we will address the military cycle of deployment. While I will primarily be using the word deployment, this applies to all separations.

Thank you for listening to my venting session on Monday. Now back to what I was planning to talk about: What do our spouses actually need to hear on the bad days? Obviously, I can only speak from my personal experience, and my advice comes from the sample size of one husband, so I will share the things that help in my marriage. Maybe they'll help in yours, and maybe they won't. But as always, do what is right for you and your family.

I know that I said a different post would go up today (it'll go up Wednesday instead), but it's been a long week, and I need to vent. I want this blog to be a space that helps people, and the biggest person I'm trying to, or at least that I know I can help, is myself. This means that the advice is pointed towards me. The reminders are for me. And that I need to use this space to get all my frustrated feelings out. Maybe you'll feel the same and realize you aren't alone, or maybe you've got some great coping skills to send my way for my specific brand of crazy.

These separations are hard across the board. I don't want to get into a who has it worse comparison because both sides are right to struggle. But our service members will have bad days, and we can either make things better or worse when they come to us with their difficulties.

When we reach the thriving stage, things feel easier. Going through the day-to-day activities alone becomes a new normal. This doesn't mean that we don't still have hard days. We still miss our spouses greatly. We've just found a way to function within this new environment.

The surviving stage and the thriving phase have two different sets of coping skills for most of us. They will sound similar in many ways, but we need to focus on various aspects depending on where our head is. These are the things that I focus on when separation begins. Whether it will be big or small, I know what my triggers are and how to avoid them. Of course, this doesn't mean that I never struggle, but it means that when I do struggle, I know the way out (even if I let myself sit in it for a while longer).

As we close out discussing the issue of military spouse employment, I want to leave us with two reminders: Be brave and be bold. I know it's cliche to say, but it's true. I also know that we frequently need to be reminded of our capacity and qualification when it comes to certain things. I certainly need to be reminded of this often, so if you allow me, I'm going to preach to myself for a moment, and maybe you'll get something out of it too.

While there are a lot of resources when we want to determine our dream job, much of that decision-making will come from our own self-reflection. For those of us that are not ready to reach out to someone specifically for advice in this area, then internal reflection is a great place to start.

You may have noticed that the Monday post about questions we can ask ourselves to help figure out what kind of job we want, did not go up. There are a lot of reasons for that. There are a lot of excuses for it. But the reality is I was not organized enough and backed myself into a corner.

I have been watching Army Wives and find myself increasingly angry at Trevor. He seems to take every opportunity to become an example of the worst way to be a soldier supporting a spouse's dreams. Here's a little backstory for those who haven't watched the Lifetime television show that aired from 2007 to 2013. It tells the story of five military spouses living on an Army base in Charleston, SC. We follow each couple through a series of trials, and the spouses lean on one another when being married to a soldier hurts.

Chasing our dreams and balancing parenting can mean that we have to get creative when it comes to childcare. While the military resources can be helpful, sometimes the best solution is relying on our partner. And when that doesn’t work, we have to get a little unorthodox with our plan.

As I mentioned on Wednesday, the military has made strides to offer better childcare services, and the civilian world has also worked in some ways to lower the costs and increase accessibility for military families. When we think of the ideal place for our kids, it usually has a specific set of values, goals, availability, and cost. A nanny may be perfect for one family, while another would prefer an in-home daycare. Each family is different, and we want to make sure that we create accessibility across all areas. Whenever the time comes to accept our dream job, we need to know there is a plan in place for someone else to take over the responsibility of our kids during working hours. So here are some of the benefits I have discovered when it comes to being a military family looking for childcare.

We cannot accurately address the military spouse employment issues without talking about childcare. Even if we know the exact job we want and have all the tools to acquire it, the point is moot if we don’t have anyone to watch our children. When I was younger, I had a VHS tape of songs by Joe Scruggs, and one of them was called What Do They Do With The Children? It told the story of a child getting lost at a grocery store or baseball park and wondering what they do with the children after everybody goes home. It ends with a security guard or employee helping the child reunite with their parents. But as parents of children now, we are left to ask the same question: what the heck do we do with them when we need to work?

When we talk about a solution to the unemployment and underemployment of military spouses, we need to ensure we find a solution that works for us when the military fails. The Department of Defense, Congress, and the military seem to be attempting to solve this issue. Frankly, they have to in order to properly maintain the all-volunteer force. But we have been in this life long enough to know that we cannot depend on this support appearing anytime soon.

I know that the list of issues affecting the military community that I shared on Wednesday may not seem directly related to dreams. But here's the thing, anything that affects our quality of life also affects our ability to conceive of and achieve dreams. So with that, we will spend the next little bit talking about each of these issues in depth. If there is ever an issue that you feel we don't cover, let me know through the contact form or social media!

With my newfound commitment to focusing on the community that I want to serve, let's talk about the issues actively impacting military families, how those problems affect dreams, and how we can overcome those obstacles. Today, I want to discuss the top issues affecting active-duty military spouses. These ranked as issues for the national guard, reserve, and veteran families as well, but I will primarily focus on active-duty spouses since that is what I am living in right now.

In case it hasn't become abundantly clear to you by now, I am making this up as I go. I'm not making it up in the sense that I am just winging it when it comes to writing. But I am making it up because I am figuring out what I am doing and what I want to be doing along the way. I want you to see that I am in the trenches right beside you. I am figuring out my dream as I go. I start on a plan, realize I need to pivot, allow fear to take over, overcome that and make progress, only to start the cycle over again.