We've all heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." And for those of us with children, we've realized that the village usually doesn't just show up at our doorstep anymore. We may have an incredible village where we live, but many of us as military spouses have discovered that our village lives states away, if we have one at all.

Chasing a dream during the sustainment stage may actually be the simplest time to do it. Life feels relatively normal during this time. We have settled into our routines. And even though they probably look very different than they do when our spouses are home, they work for us. We know where we need to be on any given day. We know who needs to do what. We know when things need to be done. We’ve got a rhythm of life that makes room for hard days and factors in rewards for doing hard things. That’s how life should be.

Taking care of our dreams during the deployment phase is really difficult, but things become a lot simpler (not easier) during the sustainment phase. The sustainment stage is defined as the second month of deployment through the second to last month of the deployment, regardless of how long the deployment will be. That being said, I don’t think we should put ourselves on a timetable for when we enter the sustainment phase. If we are not ready, then we do not need to pressure ourselves because all that will do is set us back further.

I am leaning towards switching things up on the blog a little bit. I was listening to an unfiltered podcast from some creators I love (Sheila Wray Gregoire and Rebecca Lindenbach of baremarriage.com. They talk about very different things than me, but I am all for supporting and sharing my love of them whenever). They talked about how the format for their blog is that Monday and Wednesday are focused on whatever series they are working on, and they reserve Friday to respond to current events or things that have happened across the week.

Now that we've survived day zero of a deployment, let's talk about day 1 (the morning after they leave) through the end of the first month they are gone. After that time, we enter the sustainment phase, but we'll talk more about that later. A lot happens during this time. We anxiously await our first phone call, email or letter from our spouse. Hopefully, it will come quickly. We begin to establish new routines. As difficult as this time is, we start to see the light at the end of the tunnel because one day, this will all end.

We've talked about the pre-deployment phase; whether it lasts six months or six days, we are prepared to keep our dreams alive during that time. That doesn't mean we will be perfect, and that doesn't mean it won't be challenging, but we are ready when the time comes.

We will move on to talking about dreams during the deployment stage next week. Since I used this space to vent last week, I wanted to share the other side of that this week. My husband called me today to tell me that we got a RIP (stands for relief in place, which gives zero clarity to what it actually means, but it is the precursor to orders) to Warner-Robins AFB in Georgia! This is the news we were waiting for and exactly the news we wanted to hear.

We talked on Monday about how no-notice deployments affect our dreams. While this may be more common for the military in general and your spouse’s specific career field, another type of deployment remains. I don’t really have or know of a pithy nickname for this type, but it is one where we get extended notice that our spouse is leaving. We may learn almost a year in advance like I did for my husband’s first deployment, or we may get a few months to prepare. Either way, we have significantly more time to stew on our emotions about the upcoming deployment.

As we unpack each deployment stage and its relationship to pursuing a dream, I want to look at each from the "make a plan, stick to the plan, ALWAYS DELIVER" perspective. Where we are in that process will mean different things, for the separations affect our dreams. To begin, let's look at the pre-deployment stage. Personally, I think this is the most challenging time to dream.

When we talk about the stages of deployment, there are two different cycles. The first is a more militarily recognized cycle, and the other is the more emotional one. Both are important to understand, and we have to navigate chasing our dreams differently depending on what stage we are in. First, we will address the military cycle of deployment. While I will primarily be using the word deployment, this applies to all separations.

Thank you for listening to my venting session on Monday. Now back to what I was planning to talk about: What do our spouses actually need to hear on the bad days? Obviously, I can only speak from my personal experience, and my advice comes from the sample size of one husband, so I will share the things that help in my marriage. Maybe they'll help in yours, and maybe they won't. But as always, do what is right for you and your family.

I know that I said a different post would go up today (it'll go up Wednesday instead), but it's been a long week, and I need to vent. I want this blog to be a space that helps people, and the biggest person I'm trying to, or at least that I know I can help, is myself. This means that the advice is pointed towards me. The reminders are for me. And that I need to use this space to get all my frustrated feelings out. Maybe you'll feel the same and realize you aren't alone, or maybe you've got some great coping skills to send my way for my specific brand of crazy.

These separations are hard across the board. I don't want to get into a who has it worse comparison because both sides are right to struggle. But our service members will have bad days, and we can either make things better or worse when they come to us with their difficulties.

When we reach the thriving stage, things feel easier. Going through the day-to-day activities alone becomes a new normal. This doesn't mean that we don't still have hard days. We still miss our spouses greatly. We've just found a way to function within this new environment.

The surviving stage and the thriving phase have two different sets of coping skills for most of us. They will sound similar in many ways, but we need to focus on various aspects depending on where our head is. These are the things that I focus on when separation begins. Whether it will be big or small, I know what my triggers are and how to avoid them. Of course, this doesn't mean that I never struggle, but it means that when I do struggle, I know the way out (even if I let myself sit in it for a while longer).

As we close out discussing the issue of military spouse employment, I want to leave us with two reminders: Be brave and be bold. I know it's cliche to say, but it's true. I also know that we frequently need to be reminded of our capacity and qualification when it comes to certain things. I certainly need to be reminded of this often, so if you allow me, I'm going to preach to myself for a moment, and maybe you'll get something out of it too.

While there are a lot of resources when we want to determine our dream job, much of that decision-making will come from our own self-reflection. For those of us that are not ready to reach out to someone specifically for advice in this area, then internal reflection is a great place to start.

You may have noticed that the Monday post about questions we can ask ourselves to help figure out what kind of job we want, did not go up. There are a lot of reasons for that. There are a lot of excuses for it. But the reality is I was not organized enough and backed myself into a corner.